Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Distant

Sorry it’s been a distant week or so. My stressful relationship with my boss came to a head this week when she gave a ‘written warning’ right before she left the state for two days. I’ve never had any issues with human resources before, so I’ve been in shock for a bit. I’ve never had my work ethic misjudged and turned into personal attacks before. It has honestly shaken me quite a bit. So the last few days have been collecting documentation and trying to figure out my next steps.

My co-worker keeps using the word ‘submit’. I feel the need to clarify to her that this isn’t submission, but I’m sure she is thinking of a different context. I just feel so beaten down and disrespected. And I’m questioning everything about my career. It’s just so frustrating.

Anyway, I’m hoping to get my shit together and my head on straight soon. Right now I’m just sipping coffee and trying to make sense of my life. Wishing I could take the self-confidence that my Sir gives me and take it to my professional life.

ELust #100

Elust 100

Photo courtesy of Wriggly Kitty

Welcome to Elust 100

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #101 Start with the rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

He’s Out of My League

Pink Hair, Don’t Care!

I’m a feminist but…

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Pain Sluts and Brain Squirrels

His Car Keys

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Raw

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Writing About Writing

Why Financial Disclosures Matter on Your Blog

Erotic Fiction

Caught
An American Werewolf in London
The Spider and the Fly
Faithfully
kitten

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Static
Over exposed?

Erotic Non-Fiction

Mirror Image
Return to Position, Part 1
One Present Moment
Edgy Morning
The Date-Aversary Continues
The Smell, Taste and Love of Chocolate.

Poetry

-01.11.17_18:26-

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Asking can be sexy too!
Soaring in Space
Age Play
MY PEOPLE, HER PEOPLE. The FemDom ball
Stroke of luck

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Adult Content on Patreon
Censorship on Share our Shit Saturday
#SSoS Sharing for the Win

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

#iTalkSex Why I Talk Sex
Radical Acceptance In Relationships
So… ghosting is an acceptable thing now
What giving a collar means to me

Blogging

Reflections on us and the blog

 

 

Elust 88

2017 Cookie Exchange

It’s finally come around again. The Cookie Exchange organized by the lovely Jz is back to kick of this holiday season.

I can’t describe how amazing these are. Don’t look at calories or sugar.

~

Chocolate Sandwich Gobs

2 cups sugar
1 cup margarine, melted
2 eggs, beaten
4 cups, flour
1/2 cup, unsweetened cocoa
2 tsp., salt
1 cup, buttermilk or sourmilk
2 tsp., baking soda
Chocolate Icing (homemade or a can)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine sugar, margarine, and beaten eggs in a large bowl; mix well. Sift together flour, cocoa, and salt. Add dry ingredients to creamed mixture, alternately with buttermilk. Add baking soda to dough, mixing until combined. Drop spoonfuls on greased cookie sheets.

Bake for 10 minutes. Let cool completely. Form sandwiches by placing icing between two cookies.

~

Check out all the other bloggers taking part today. Hope you find some great recipes to add to your list this holiday.

Baker

Bleue

blossom

Bogey and Bacall

Cat

DelFonte

Ella

Greengirl

Jz

Katie

Kelly

Lindy

Mrs. Fever

Ms Dixie Wrecked

nilla

Olivia

ronnie

Ryan

Sassy

selkie (recipe here)

Horrible Truth

Ok, the first truth isn’t that horrible. It’s just a truth. It’s about oral. I love giving oral sex. Sucking cock is one of my favorite things. Using my mouth to bring someone such pleasure is a true joy for me. One of the few things that gives me power that actually enjoy. I also loved the one time I was able to give oral sex to a woman. I can get into a zone where it’s calming. Just to sink into the other person’s pleasure. So erotic. I get turned on as I do it and when they cum I get the strongest sense of satisfaction.

Here’s that horrible part. It’s also about oral. I’m getting sick of it. I know, it’s hard for even me to accept. But I am. It’s just not fun.

I think it may because it’s all we do. We don’t have penetrative sex of any kind. Certainly no ‘All Anal November’ for me this year. We had sex the other day, in the middle of the afternoon. It was blissful. But it was no foreplay, no aftercare (though we aren’t D/s anymore), and I didn’t cum. He gave me oral for the first time in six months the other day. I’m not sure what caused the sudden change of heart toward my vagina, not that I’m complaining. But aside from these few breaks from the norm over the last few weeks, oral sex has been the limit of our intimacy.

As I previous stated, I love oral sex. But I’m getting to the point where I just need a break. I just groan when photo after photo comes up on my naughty tumblr. I can’t masturbate to it anymore. And whenever I see it in porn I tend to roll my eyes. Which just feels sad. I want to love it all the time. And it feels wrong that oral just doesn’t inspire me anymore.

Maybe I just want to be appreciated more. Maybe I just want a bit of a challenge. Maybe I just need to be fucked. Or more likely, a little from all three.

See other topics that people are musing over or who they consider their muse for this weeks Wicked Wednesday.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Pins and Needles

Why don’t you go put your Njoy in? 

Sounds like fun. I’ll be back in a bit.

I walked upstairs and closed the bedroom door. Too many wank sessions have been interrupted by whiny kids; I’ve learned from my mistakes. After grabbing the lube, njoy, and a towel I climbed up on the bed. Although I have done it several ways, I have found that putting the njoy in by myself is easier if I’m squatting on my knees. And doing it while I cum is just extra fun for me.

Sitting on my knees I began flipping through tumblr. I have several go to pages. Lately I’ve been a sucker for MFM threesomes. They just turn me into a dripping puddle in record time. But, for whatever reason, I could find anything that really sucked me in. I kept flipping through photos and videos, looking for the perfect scene. It’s hard when you know what you want. And I wanted to see a sexy spit-roast.

You know the shot. It’s often in black and white. She’s stretched across the bed, looking eagerly at one man’s cock. She’s massaging his thigh, begging him to lean in closer. At the same time the other gentleman is thrusting into her cunt. Holding her hips and pushing her mouth into the other man’s cock. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s just hot. And it was exactly what I wanted at that moment to help me cum.

The photo wasn’t coming around though. I flipped through my favorites and couldn’t find anything close. It wasn’t until I went down a rabbit hole of new people that I stumbled across what I needed. What I craved.

I lubed up the Njoy and grabbed my Doxy. I put my phone on the bed in front of me so I could zone in on the short video (set to repeat) while I put the plug in. I was turned on in seconds. The doxy worked it’s magic wonderfully as my body tried to relax.

The njoy was cold, but it quickly warmed by my thighs. Or maybe I just didn’t notice. Because, as I continued to press the njoy inside me, I was also pressing the doxy against my clit. My orgasm was seconds away and it was a now or never moment. I leaned into the doxy and up onto my knees. My body relaxed as I groaned and the njoy found it’s home. But all this happened so fast, I didn’t really feel any of it.

All I could feel was the painful tingling of my legs waking up from being asleep.

The entire time I had been searching for the perfect porn I had been sitting back on my knees, and they had gone numb. When I leaned forward in the height of my orgasm they shot back to life in an intense wave of pins and needles.

My orgasm was ruined and all I could do was roll onto my side and wait for the pain to subside. I was so embarrassed. I walked downstairs. My husband asked if I was alright. I told him I spent so long looking for porn that my legs went numb and they decided to wake up in the middle of my orgasm.

He laughed and told me to tweet it. So I did.

Masturbation Monday logo

Define Your Kink: Day 16

#16 – Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

In one word…drastically. I guess technically I’ve only had two Dominants. But even my sexual relationships that doesn’t include submission have been noticeably different.

I believe there are several factors at play. One of my Doms was my husband, we lived together, and we were monogamous for most of our D/s. My current, and only other Dom is long distance and we are not each other’s primary partner. So the ways that we communicate and our expectations of each other are completely different. With that in mind I’m not sure if I can really conclude that my submission changes are based on one specific thing. So far, I believe it depends on the person.

With regard to gender, I’ve only had a sexual experience with a woman once. While I would love to repeat that, there wasn’t any submission (technically) in that encounter. I’m not sure I could have a female dominant, but never say never. If I did I am sure my submission would change. But again, that could be because of the person, not necessarily the gender.

I think right now my experience is so new that it’s difficult to draw firm conclusions. If we had played regularly with others or I had been loaned out to other Doms I may have more opinions. Right now I’m still trying to figure out my new submissive relationship while figuring out what went wrong as my husband and I tried BDSM. Not necessarily to ‘fix’ it, but more to learn about myself and my needs.

Check out the other questions in the 30 days of Kink and my answers so far here.

Sir’s First Task: The Basement Part II

Sewing desk before cleaning
Basement Pre-Clean 3

Waking up on Saturday morning I was more motivated than I had been in a very long time. After reviewing the photos I sent, Sir had given me my marching orders. I needed to clear my sewing table so that I could realistically use my sewing machine. Hopefully that would encourage me to find more time to get down there and use my private space to refresh. Also, as the boys get older and search out their own private time, I could use it more regularly. I also needed to clear the catch all table so that I could use it for sewing prep and other creative projects.

So with coffee in hand and a background noise of The Great British Baking Show on my laptop I began to clean. I decided to focus on the black table first. It was where I had hoped to set up my laptop when I was down there, and have all my stationary materials. I am a big fan of handwritten notes and I have a large stash of postcards that I enjoy sending to family and friends. They are just a nice way of letting someone know you are thinking of them. And I love getting mail.

Cleaned stationary desk
Basement Clean – Stationary Desk

Sorting through all the paperwork took the most time. I have a pretty good organization system for our receipts and important papers, but when I don’t have time to file everything, it gets thrown in a pile to be sorted later. Later had finally come. Luckily, mixed in with all the important bills were lots of items that could be recycled. And once I got going, sorting out the important bits and the surplus paper went quickly. Trying to jam them into my file cabinet took a little time, but I got there.

Cleaned sewing table
Basement Clean – Sewing Table

Separating items into what I used for stationary and what I used for sewing helped me give the tables different uses. And my collection of little boxes were perfect for all my thread and sewing trims. I was pretty happy with the way both spaces turned out and I really hoped Sir was too.

I sent him photos as well as the ‘after’ photos I posted on twitter. I was so relieved when he wrote back that he was impressed. I even got a ‘good girl’. It was the biggest self-confidence boost I’ve had in a long time. I was practically gooey just hearing that he was proud of me. Sometimes I worry that I have daddy or general parenting issues because of how much I want someone to be proud of me. It’s the nicest compliment that I can ever receive.

All this meant that I went to the office yesterday feeling good, which hasn’t happened in awhile. It’s amazing how my productivity during the weekend and my interactions with Sir can affect my entire week.

Sir has given me the week. I am hoping to use my sewing space a few times and enjoy my hard work. Then we’ll see what he wants me to tackle next. There is a lot down there that doesn’t belong to me. And even more that needs sorted and sold. So I hoping that this project may force the issue on a few things. Or, if nothing else, get me to box things up and store them on the other side of the basement. Keeping my office mine.

So I am sure there will be more updates as this task continues. And I’m sure I will write more as my submission is allowed to grow. This is the most submissive (and likewise best) I have felt in a very long time. I hope Sir allows me to continue to serve in any way he sees fit.

cleaned sewing table and stationary table

 

Sir’s First Task: The Basement Part I

I have an IUD. I’ve had it since the end of 2014 and subsequently have not had a period since around the middle of 2015. Which sounds amazing, and does have certain perks, i.e. I’ve saved a lot of money on tampons. But even though I don’t have the cramping, I still have the emotional drop and mood swings. It makes my depression medication work extra hard to get me through the day and often fails miserably. And, considering the day to day issues I’ve been having with my boss at work, I was dreading this month’s drop.

A blue and white baby quilt.
A baby quilt I made in 2014.

I also love to sew. Since moving about a year and half ago I’ve had my sewing machine set up, but I’m not sure I’ve had it on more than a handful of times. My grand designs of having several quilts ready to go to give as gifts for Christmas last year fizzled quickly. And between all the job, kid, and husband stress over the last year my space has been largely ignored. But making things is a huge confidence boost for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love to write, but having something tactile in my hand is a different productive feeling. I’m sure if I ever had a book published it would feel the same. Something I made. Even better is when it’s appreciated and/or used by someone. I think that pulls back to my submission and caring for others.

All that plot exposition was all to prep you for my first task from my Sir. We were talking about my low mood and I mentioned sewing being a good outlet for that. He had asked about it and all I could really come up with was that my creative space in the basement had become a catch-all for various things.

The basement from the bottom of the stairs
Basement Pre-Clean 1

I dramatized it a bit about how bad it was, but I’m sure in my head it was that bad and that’s why I wasn’t motivated to clean it up. He told me to send him pictures when I got home from work on Friday; that maybe this would be a good project for me.

I was honestly surprised at how good I felt just thinking about a task. It had been so long since I’d even been presented with the possibility. Even through my emotional fog, I felt motivated to try and get back to something that made me happy. When I got home I immediately went to downstairs to take photos. I’ll admit I tried to get angles that would show the worst of the piles.

Basement mess from the couch
Basement Pre-Clean 2

It may not have been as bad as I originally described to him, but it wasn’t great. I had cleaned off the couch the week before when we had to take the kids down for a tornado warning. I think the angle from the couch is what was sticking in my head when we were talking. I think it’s just the piles that threw me off. And the amount of stuff that isn’t actually mine. Everything from records that were left in the house when we moved in to clothes belonging to my mother. My creative space had been overrun by things that needed sorted and/or sold. But, without this motivation it would probably continue sitting like this until closer to Christmas when I need to wrap presents. Though that would be more of wiping my arm across the table so I have a flat space to work. This was going to be a much larger task.

Define Your Kink: Day 15

#15 – Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you? If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Yes, though I will say that I my need to submit has always remained and even grown.

My submission has had several twists; even in the few short years that I have found it. When I started this journey nearly five years ago, I thought I was just looking for a bit of weekend fun with my husband. Something to spice up our relationship and allow me to relax amidst all my stress and depression. Very quickly I fell in love with the idea of submission. I wanted to be a slave. I wanted to be taken care of by my master. I wanted to serve. And I think with that love grew expectations that my husband could never meet. I was adding more and more desires with such speed, that it took him stopping everything to slow me down. As much as it hurt to hit it, that concrete wall in the middle of the highway the only thing that forced me to reflect.

Removing my collar was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I think I cried more about that than I did during childbirth. And I stepping back I’ve been able to better define my needs, not just my wants. I want to be a human pet. I want to serve and be spoiled. To be cuddled and fucked and rewarded for my good deeds.

Being without daily submission is a struggle. Sir and I talk every day, which is lovely. But the distance is difficult. So many of my relationships seem to be that way anymore. So, with a distance submission has come more evolution. I need to understand that Sir says what he means, which is often difficult through text. I have always been one to read too much into things, so I have to be careful. And it’s hard feeling like I’ve actually served him when I’ve done nothing more than let him know I made it home from work safely. When he’s had a long day I just want to rub his feet and make him coffee; it’s hard that he can’t depend on me for those things.

I’m sure as my submission, distance or otherwise, grows it will continue to change. Hopefully I can find new ways to serve and feel my submission. Needs and desires change. If you had told me a year ago that I would be without my collar and hardly having sex once every three months I wouldn’t have believed you. I have a husband, a lover, and a dominant and they all want different things from me. And I get different things from them. Eventually I will figure out how it all fits together and how the special people in my life can support me as I care for them.

Check out my other Define your Kink answers and the upcoming questions.

Define Your Kink: Day 14

#14 – Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

While I was baptized and confirmed in the Protestant faith, my religion has little to do with my daily life today. I don’t attend regular services or really take part in an faith-based activities anymore. I’m really not a spiritual person. With that in mind, my religion (or, more accurately, my religious upbringing) don’t have any bearing in my kinks or need to submit.

I’ll admit I know nothing about religious based submission. I don’t see that ever really being part of my kink. It doesn’t have a part in my vanilla life, so I don’t see it playing a role in my BDSM life either.

Check out my other Define your Kink answers and leave your own.