**This blog was originally created in 2010 to document my husband and my life as we tried to get pregnant with our first child. After finding BDSM I repurposed the blog in 2014 to look at our kink and balancing it with the two children we now have. Please feel free to read the below posts and any from my 2010 and 2011 archive, but please be aware that they are not representative of our life now. Also, certain edits have been made to these posts. To start from the beginning of our kinky life, start here. **
I have two sleeping puppies next to me on the couch, looking peaceful and quiet. Yet, why do I feel like a bad neighbor. Our next door neighbor yelled at D yesterday about their barking. Even though it isn’t our dog that’s barking (it’s another neighbor down the street), I still feel bad about it. It makes me feel like we are bad neighbors. Our yard is not great. Neither of us have time to deal with it. There is a dead tree that needs removed and a lot of mud where I pulled up weeds last year and never planted new grass. Yesterday I wanted to move so bad. It totally ruined my entire day. I was so productive in the morning too.
They just look so peaceful. Like they couldn’t hurt a fly. It is just hard. D has a full-time job with school. More than full-time really. And I have at least 50 hours with the commute every week. We’ve had to change priorities to get everything done, but the yard has really taken a back seat. It makes me think that if I cannot even juggle my job and my yard, what does that say about me being a mother. My fatalist nature tells me I won’t be thrown anything that I can’t handle, but sometimes I wonder. What makes a person ready to be a parent? It is all about money? Or the ability for one parent to be a stay at home caregiver? I hope we are ready. I hope we are good enough.