**This blog was originally created in 2010 to document my husband and my life as we tried to get pregnant with our first child. After finding BDSM I repurposed the blog in 2014 to look at our kink and balancing it with the two children we now have. Please feel free to read the below posts and any from my 2010 and 2011 archive, but please be aware that they are not representative of our life now. Also, certain edits have been made to these posts. To start from the beginning of our kinky life, start here. **
Well, at least I have not lost the flair for the dramatic.
I’ve been really down lately. I have been panicking about work and money lately. The lack of D time is wearing me down more than I thought it would. I was sure I could handle it. I consider myself an independent person. But it’s weird how lonely I’ve been feeling since he started school. And the baby thing has taken longer than I thought, which is disheartening, to say the least.
This last year has just been difficult. Which is a coop-out, because it’s been hard for everyone in the U.S. I hate that money rules my life. Memories are defined by debt and financial restriction rather than the experience. Our lives are limited so much by what we can pay for. Cultural experiences are so limited to a select few by cost. It is just really frustrating. As I look to raising a family, I’m struggling to decide how much weight I should put on money. I hate money and my dependence on it, should I teach my children the same indifference? There is a reality to the need for money, but I am tired of it ruling my life. The worst part is, the only way to escape the dependence on money is to have a lot of it.
Maybe I’ll raise my kids in the woods, use leaves for clothes and eat squirrels. I probably wouldn’t be any less likely to be able to afford to take them to Europe.