Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Wandering Through the Woods

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
     — Robert Frost
What if you got to take the other road? What if that road looped around and you were staring at that fork again and this time we can look back on the path chosen and be able to wonder what it would be like to go the other way. Both paths looked good, right? I mean, can you really look at the complete picture of your life thus far and not say, it would be interesting to split off right there and go a different way. What if I had chosen a different college? Would my high school boyfriend and I still be together? I would never have met my husband, would I have met him at a different time?  What if I had taken that trip to New Zealand? What if I hadn’t had that one night stand?
These are not questions that simply relive one night and continue the course of one’s life in the same way.  These questions dramatically change the life and choices a person has made for themselves.  One can make the fate argument, but I find it pointless in this case.  I choose, in this specific instance, to ignore any type of fate, and simply look at a decision in my life.  Two paths to take, and take the other. Would you look down that grassy path and say it’s not worth it? Go back down that known existence.  Is that unknown too unknown, can you loop around again?
I guess my answer would depend on when I make that diversion. If it’s after I met my Master, can I bring him with me down my other path? If it’s before, will I remember him as I enter a world where we haven’t met? I guess, as I struggle within my love for Robert Frost the question of his message stays with me.  Am I meant to look down the path I have taken as the difference I should embrace, or am I to question each decision I make as if I were staring at these paths? Is his poem to tell me that all decisions are easy, or that they are all huge complexities that we must combat?
This internal struggle, ironically, has led me back to the same conclusion
which Frost himself had reached. Even when I am at my lowest, I wouldn’t change any of the big things. I would never enter a world without my Master, he is my everything. I wouldn’t change our decision to have our two boys. When looking back through tough choices, losing our first dog, and the battles that we face today with money and jobs, I cannot imagine loosing any of it. Running from those hard memories and today’s daily challenges does not guarantee that the other path would be easier or less painful. As hard as this period of my life is, I know it will pass and we, as a family, will move on. Mr. Frost has given me that assurance. The path I have chosen has made all the difference, what difference that was I am not sure I am supposed to know.
*Everything is getting better from yesterday’s earthquake. A lot of talking and some great sex is healing wounds. I’m still feeling pretty introspective though, which is why you are getting my poem rantings. Hopefully this will be the last one.*

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