Ran to the grocery and attempted to clean this morning. The boy was concerned that I was throwing away presents as I was clearing up boxes for recycling, so the rest of the clean up may have to wait until after he goes to bed.
It has been a week seriously lacking in kink. Family was here for part of it, but general stress has also been a factor. We didn’t get the house we put an offer on. Trying not to get too down about it, but the idea of continuing the house search is kind of a bummer.
But even the stress hasn’t really lessened my sex drive. Play last night didn’t happen and I was so worked up sleep was even more fleeting than normal. And today I have been one big ball of hormones. That made the grocery shopping fun, let me tell you.
Sir has just been distracted lately. Work stuff is picking up, and will only get worse until the end of February. So I don’t really begrudge him his game time to relax. I am just a needy sub, I guess. Not really sure how to shake that. He won’t be guilt tripped into anything he doesn’t want to do. It just continues to surprise me that my sex cravings have multiplied over the last few years and his seem to have dropped off. The switch makes it difficult as he is now in charge of if and when we play. And, more importantly, how we play. Sometimes he just wants service; he will straight up tell me that I won’t be coming. I didn’t think that would be so hard to hear, but after a week or so it really pushes me. Then I feel guilty and like a crappy sub blah blah blah.
I hate feeling like that, almost as much as you are probably tired of hearing it. I am hoping that training will make this easier for me to process. Being able to control and suppress urges seems like a necessity to being a good submissive. Then, when he does let me come, I will be even more appreciative. I really hope that that is something I can learn, because it sounds awful.