I will try to write something profound tomorrow, but right now I have to rant.
I try to be a good sub, I swear I do. I complete all my tasks for the day without complaint. And it’s not like the boys help me. In fact, sometimes they actively subvert my efforts to get things done. But I push through.
The last few days have been stressful. We just put an offer in on a house, which we haven’t heard about yet. We are getting our financing in order, and of course, there’s Christmas. As if I could forget with my three year old asking when Santa is going to get here every five minutes.
So I begged tonight. I actually begged to be fucked. He told me this hot fantasy as he rubbed my clit and got me all worked up. I will tell you about ‘story time’ some other day. But then, the classic inevitable happens. He comes, doesn’t give me permission to come and then falls asleep. And the battle rages in my head.
I like being used as a hole, I really do. I love to be taken and discarded. But, this time I begged. I am running on tension from days ago and even my insomnia can’t keep up. If my craft room wasn’t in the attic where my walking around would wake everyone up, I would go wrap presents and be productive.
And as soon as I get frustrated with him for not understanding my need for release I immediately feel like a horrible sub. I should be happy he used me and get over it. Please believe that I want to. It doesn’t need to be earth shattering, just a tiny little orgasm to get me through the holiday madness. God, I really am an addict. An addict that hasn’t had any juice in several days and the withdrawal is bringing me down.
I don’t want to be a brat, Sir really doesn’t go for that. But lack of sleep mixed with holiday responsibilities and sexual frustration is bound to end poorly. I am not even sure coffee will keep a smile plastered on my face until he leaves for work in the morning. Maybe I will let the baby throw up on me so I can blame my sour mood on that. Now I am roping the baby into this, I need help.
But I am a good sub, I swear. I can even prove it.