Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Service Top

I get that hardcore sadists and those in Master/slave relationships see the term ‘service top’ as a dirty word. I get that as a Dom, the idea of taking requests can seem out of sink.

I guess I am just in a weird place where I am not trying to top from the bottom, but I am asking for things. Is my being horny and asking/begging for sex make him a service top? I guess only if he gives in, right.
Is it better that I am full of angst and constantly unsatisfied? Is he supposed to know that and I am not supposed to ask. Does he know that and is purposefully ignoring it?
Maybe I am missing the point. Am I not supposed to want tied up and a hard fuck? Am I really supposed to just be satisfied with washing his dishes and sucking his dick? Maybe I am just not cut out for this submissive thing. I am either too strong or too weak; it is a hard balance to strike when I don’t know which way to go. Even with a step by step guide I am still walking blindly in a fog.
I have lost the plot somewhere. Or maybe I picked up the wrong damn book.

3 Responses to “Service Top”

  • little girl

    I absolutely can empathize (and sympathize) with you on everything you have written here in this post. It seems that our dynamic may have some similarities in the withholding of sex and/or orgasms.

    First off, in my mind, there is nothing wrong with asking or begging. I think they actually like when we reduce ourselves to begging. They, however, ultimately decide yes or no so it’s not topping from the bottom if presented in this manner.

    I try to think of this form of control as a kink. That’s why the withholding is important to some Doms, others…not so much. My Sir just happens to also love this form of control. So yes…I too feel like most of the time, I am doing chores and sucking his cock. Which after a while, just sux (haha! pun intended)

    Trust me…It’s not that you have lost the plot, or picked up the wrong book. Your Sir is choosing a path that for whatever reason He enjoys or thinks is necessary in your growth, and possibly even his. He wants you to crave these things, constantly.

    But there is a fine line to this. If my angst goes on too long, I begin to shut down and the battle in my head over powers my submission. It really doesn’t help when reading about other people’s dynamics and they are getting that “tied up and fucked hard” quite often or at least it seems that way. I start to think…what is wrong with me.

    So I offer you this encouragement (which is as much for you as it is a reminder for myself). You mention not knowing which way to go. I think you have to try and trust that he knows which way he is taking you and sometimes you will be walking blindly. But talk to him…find out why this part of your submission is important to him. It may help you to find acceptance in it if you can understand it from his perspective.

    Hugs

  • kaya

    We have pretty clear cut definitions for service top and topping from the bottom. They aren’t necessarily going to be everyone’s definitions but he’s decided what they are (and you know how the rest of that story goes lol)

    A service top is pretty simply the one who services the bottom. It’s not about domination and submission, really, except for within the scene. The bottom lays out exactly what s/he wants, what kind of scene, what toys, the beginning end and middle, and the top provides the service of making that scene come true. Always, and for every scene. The top “performs”, within the script that the bottom has laid out.

    I don’t think asking for things or begging for things or wanting things, and getting them, translates into service topping. I don’t think our Doms giving us what brought us into this relationship makes them a service top. I don’t think them wanting or liking us to be happy and fulfilled makes them a service top. It makes them good people, though.

    Service top, to me, is the entirety of the relationship. I see it more in use between play partners. And there’s no shame in being a service top, either. Tops like to play, bottoms like to be played with. Two people making happy isn’t an insult. Or shouldn’t be.

    Topping from the bottom seems more about manipulation and underhandedness than it is about asking for play. Goading him into hurting you by purposely breaking rules for punishment is topping from the bottom. Asking for a particular toy and getting it, is not.

    I would like Master to be my service top lol, and do what I ask and only what I ask. But yeah.. he’s not really about that. That doesn’t mean that he hasn’t ever given me exactly what I ask for because he has. But it’s not a guarantee, and I don’t get to feel entitled to it (ask me how I know).

    • CollaredMom

      That makes a lot of sense. He certainly doesn’t want to be service top all the time, but he doesn’t want me to get too comfortable getting what I ask for all the time either. I guess for me just to ability to ask is a security blanket. He can do what he wants with the request, but it was starting to feel like I wasn’t even able to make it without being labeled as controlling the scene.

      @kaya, I would never describe you as entitled 🙂

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