Having children and being in the lifestyle is not new. There are lots of couples that are making this work. A have found and follow several blogs of BDSM couples that have kids. But their approach seems to be focused on “how do we hide this from kids?”. Generally, they all reach the same conclusion, be honest but smart. And you have to accept the eventually someone will accidentally leave a butt plug in the living room for small hands to find. Take everything in stride and your kids will too. It’s a good message, and I’m comforted that everyone has a ‘toy was left out’ story.
However, this balance is a lot harder than just remembering to pick up the toys. Our kids are 4 months and 3 years old, so I don’t know if this will change as they get older. It’s about the time. We struggle to find the time to really play. Last night was the first night in a few weeks that we didn’t do some sort of scene. I’ve been really impressed with us that we have made it work as long as we have. But we were so tired from staying up late and then be awoken by the baby a few hours later. And when I say we got to play, I am talking about truncated scenes of maybe an hour. We hardly play with toys or bondage, because it takes too much time to set up, and if the boys need something, we need to be able to respond.
I’m not complaining. Sir does a lot to make even our shorter scenes count. We both have a great time. But I know deep down that he would love to do a longer scene that is more complicated. Sir has some great toys that I know he wants to use. I may have even bought a few for Secret Sexy Christmas (I’ll fill you in later). It’s hard to look at that briefcase every night.
And the guilt just grows. You feel awful for just wanting a few hours. It’s horrible to say that sometimes you get short with them. It seems so selfish to want time alone with Sir for play, but it is honestly better for them. This time alone helps us destress. Sir can get a lot of out of his system and everything we do helps to calm me down. Then when we are with the kids, we can focus and not take out our stress and tension on them.
I appreciate that others have struggled with this. I’m glad that once the kids get older, that we have support and ideas for how to answer questions, both specific and general. But we have a lot of hurdles to get over before then. My 4 month old cannot ask questions about daddy’s toys, but he can scream at the top of his lungs at 3am.