Have you ever wished you hadn’t had kids? I don’t mean really…but really?
Last night was the standard rigamarole of trying to get the boys to bed. And bedtime always brings out the worst in me. Turning off the downstairs lights and shutting the window shades forces me to look at everything that I didn’t accomplish throughout the day. And all I want to do is let Sir beat me into oblivion. All the worthlessness that I feel throughout the day is magnified as these two lovely children devil spawn fight every step of the process to get them to sleep.
Like teeth brushing. Sir plays good cop and tries to get the boy to do it himself. He runs around the bathroom, making excuses and whining until he ends up under our covers. Then I end up having to be the bad cop who takes him back into the bathroom and actually makes him do it. Because, after being at his beck and call all day, all I want to do is make him cry (please tell me you can see the sarcasm dripping from your computer screen). So, after that fight, the fight to get him in his pajamas, and the fight to get him out of our bed, I’m feeling like the worst mom ever.
Then, Sir comes at me hot and heavy and I can’t wrap my mind around anything submissive. It’s like I have this daytime dominant and then Sir. And the daytime crew wears me out so much that the thought of anything other than sleep sounds ghastly. And that just upsets me because I really do want to play. So then I become resentful of the kids and blah blah blah. Vicious circle.
This is just so much harder than I thought to balance with children. I think that once I get the job thing sorted and I’m not alone with them all day it will be better. I love them so much, but it’s never ending. Please don’t get me wrong, I never thought this would be a walk in the park. But it’s also been more than seven months and this hasn’t gotten any easier. In fact, I think that they hate me a little.
And now Sir has started getting frustrated with me as I just look frazzled and stressed. He keeps trying to give ‘helpful’ suggestions that just piss me off. So, to make my situation more fun, Sir is questioning my mothering skills and I’m loosing my patience with him. Never good for a sub.
I should get an award for upsetting all the people with penis’ in my house. Me and the dog are still tight. Yeah vaginas!