Crying has taken on new meanings for me over the last six months. I had a baby, and had to again readjust to the sound of shrill screaming. But Sir and I have also found a new, sexier love in my own tears.
He has spent our entire marriage under the societal assumption that my crying is a bad thing, to be avoided at all costs. He should comfort me and feel guilty if his actions were to ever bring on the waterworks. But he told me story the other day (someday I will tell you about his stories) and he admitted that soon after we started dating I was crying about something and it really turned him on. He knew my lips were bigger and the idea of making me suck him off was a huge turn on.
So yesterday he told me to put my butt plug in while I did the dishes. I asked him to help, with big eyes and a pouty lip. Putting it in by myself when he is here seems like such a waste. And, when he does it, he usually lets me touch myself, so I was sucking up. He knew it too, so he put it in so fast, it took my breath away. It hurt so much I couldn’t stop the tears if I wanted to, but I wanted to cry for him. Before BDSM I would go to great lengths to hide my pain from anyone, especially tears. I have been raised that showing pain makes you weak.
But crying for Sir makes me feel powerful. I trust Sir enough to have that emotional release with him and not be judged. Obviously, the fact that he gets off on it too is a nice bonus. When he breaks me down and I can put all my life stress into that release, it is a new calm. After those scenes, not only do I sleep amazingly, but my head is clearer. It is a great feeling. I know when I cry that I have pleased him, that I am taking the pain he gives me. There is an amount of satisfaction in being able to take each blow, if tears help me to do that, then they are not a sign of weakness.
Sometimes Sir will push me to tears quickly as he likes the way my lips feel on his cock after I have been crying. I don’t know if that means he has Dacryphilia or not, but it has changed the way I look at crying.
Crying is not a weakness; sometimes crying for my master is the strongest service I can preform.
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