I knew of Sir in college. He was in various circles of friends, but I only rarely saw him on campus. He would tell me later that he was attracted to me freshman year, but I was seeing someone else. We did semesters abroad in different countries, had completely different majors. Our senior year we lived in the same building, but different suites. And then my wrong turn.
I had a one night stand. My one strike out at trying new things and going with the moment. I was not prepared for the emotional fallout that I would have. And I turned to my roommate and long-time friend for help. I needed support and someone to tell me that I was still worth something. That I was not a horrible person for one bad decision. That damn Disney childhood came back to bite me in the ass. But my roommate wasn’t there. It wasn’t all her fault, but she was dealing with a lot of depression issues. It still hurt that couldn’t make me a priority when I was always there for her.
So I ventured out. I forced myself to be more social and spend time with friends to help me shake my general funk. And he was there. He made me laugh and we talked a lot. He just showed me that I was still a person and it was going to be okay. That was a big thing for me. And after this we were just inseparable. My upcoming trip to England for two weeks will be the longest we have ever been apart.
We have gotten one another through so much. He always encourages me to break the rules, except his own. His dirty thoughts have inspired many more of my own. He may be a black dot on my canvas, but he’s a pretty big dot. And my life is better for his darkness.
I love you Sir. Things are hard right now, we have so much to balance. But please stay in the dark with me. Your darkness makes my light shine brighter.