A three day weekend. I was so excited. I have been trying to keep my expectations in check. Sir has been under a lot of work stress and hasn’t really been able to focus on us. Friday afternoon he started texting me about how he was feeling really sadistic, and how he wanted to relieve some of his work stress on my body this weekend. I was so wet.
The boys fought us going to bed that night. But it was ok. We had two more nights where bedtime wasn’t an issue, right? We could stay up Saturday and Sunday evenings for long play sessions and still be rested for work on Tuesday. So after the kids drifted off, we pulled out the rope and tried some new knots. He has been having fun trying to get my elbows to touch behind my back. We also played around with some hogties. But it got to be later than we realized (time flies when you are having fun), so we figured we had a few days and turned in.
A good decision in hindsight as the baby had a rough morning and was up earlier than normal. My parents were visiting as they are leaving for England next week. It was nice to see them before they left. I know these months will be hard on them as they haven’t been away from the grandkids for more than a few weeks. So they came for the day to wear out the kids and help me while Sir worked. I will never turn down extra hands. And we got the kids photos taken, so wins on all fronts.
Sir talked to me before we left. “Do you want to cry for me tonight?” It rattled around in my head all day. I was on pins and needles while I was out with my parents. I started to tingle as soon as they left. And then…
And then I started to hurt. I brushed it off, I wasn’t going to let a little pain ruin my night. But it wouldn’t go away. I ate oatmeal for dinner. Sir was nice enough to have leftovers so I wouldn’t have to cook. I couldn’t hold the baby for long periods of time. Sir picked up the slack, he is amazing like that. But, he also said the words that destroyed my night.
“I don’t think we should play tonight.”
I took pain meds. I took a hot shower. He put me to bed. Nothing worked.
And now, now I am in the ER waiting for test results while Sir is at home trying to get some sleep before the baby wakes up. This is not what our evening was supposed to be.
I cried in the car. I cried harder than I have in awhile. I am sure the ER check-in staff thought it was from the pain, but it wasn’t. I hurt, I really do. But this was so much worse.
This pain took my time. Time that we never have. Sir struggles to balance work stress with his Domly duties. I know he hates it when we have to take a backseat to the job. That is life right now. But he was feeling it. He wanted to play without me begging, he was finally able to focus on us the way we both want.
I just want to go home. I want to beg his forgiveness for messing this up. I know this isn’t my fault, but sitting here it sure as hell feels like it. And tomorrow when I am tired from being up all night I will feel like it too, when he has to take point with the kids instead of relaxing in his day off.
Trying to stay positive. We do have tomorrow night, if I can get some help and some sleep. I am just getting really tired of saying that, ‘tomorrow night’.