Sir: ‘You laugh and enjoy yourself for me, not you.’
I forget this, a lot. And even when I don’t forget, it is hard to keep this in mind. When things don’t go the way we planned, or I am having a bad day, it is hard to remember that he does want me to be happy. It is pretty logical though. Why would he want a stropy sub?
This trip has been hard for me. I miss him and am finding it especially difficult to enjoy myself. But that is what he wants. He wants me to have a good time, even though he isn’t here. If I am constantly writing to him that I am miserable, he wants to fix it, or take control. I need to focus on having a good time so he can focus on what is really important right now. I need to be a non-responsibility for him.
If being a sub was easy, everyone would do it. I want to make life better and easier for him. So I will have another cup of coffee and be positive. For him and my three year old who is starting to earnestly miss home. Sir is done with his work stuff, so he can relax and I can just enjoy the ride for the next few days.
I will enjoy myself for him. Because he wants me too.