Friday night’s scene did not end how either of us wanted. We talked through it during aftercare. Sir even let me eat a cookie in bed (don’t worry, I cleaned up crumbs).
But I still felt uneasy. Yesterday was marred by my constantly questioning if we were ok. I wanted him to know how bad I felt, but I also needed him to tell me that we would bounce back. I don’t know why I couldn’t believe it when I said it. By the time we got to bed last night we had said everything and nothing. Normally after a fight or emotional conversation we have sex. But as the topic was basically about sex it was difficult. We both wanted that connection again, but we were both so eager, it almost wasn’t natural.
Now, I would hate for any of you to worry, so rest assured we found the intimacy that we were both craving. It was odd to me how much the events of Friday lingered though. I guess I was expecting for aftercare to somehow cleanse everything. Like the simple act of the cuddle and conversation would erase the feeling of being a disappointment for me. Obviously, my assumption that aftercare would deal with my feelings of inadequacy better than six months with a therapist may have been a little unrealistic. Oops.
But aftercare has been vital for us as we have introduced D/s into our relationship. The cuddling and soft kisses are amazing, don’t get me wrong. But the conversation has been truly key. I take the ‘no rolling the eyes’ rule seriously, because his angry Dom face is to be avoided at all costs. So these talks are my chance to tell him what doesn’t work for me, or what felt really good. He asks questions about his technique and we come up with ideas for making the scene better next time. It is just a nice intimate time. Which often leads to post-aftercare sex because we get ourselves worked up talking about it. Vicious circle.
And by vicious, I mean lovely, gooey, hurty circle of cuddles and orgasms.