Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Weakness

I feel so weak.

Without you standing behind me, standing over me.
Willing me to be the strong slave you require.
I feel unworthy.
Balancing life was a joy with your hand resting calmly on my neck,
Now I am scrambling to keep up.
I feel so alone.
My faults and fears evermore present and impossible to ignore;
My mistakes witnessed only by me.
That pit in my stomach that I got away with something,
Because he is not here to see and correct and punish.
Just me, trying to make the best of things.
To hold my fears at bay, as they crash into me from all sides.
To buy things for myself without permission, to spoil,
Without shuddering in front of everyone,
Or turning to ask the figure that is missing.
Having to report after the fact.
When he just wants me to enjoy myself.
He ordered it, in fact.
And I am failing at that too.
I miss his approval and his rebuke.
His smile and his laugh.
His command and his warmth.
It has only been a week.
I am so weak.

2 Responses to “Weakness”

  • saerwoland

    Wheat in a field, when blown this way and that, will sway and bend and stretch. Rarely is the storm so great as to rip it into the wind.
    And yet, when He who cultivates the wheat comes and rips the few broken or sickly stalks that displease him, it takes little effort. Because he knows how to loosen the roots. He knows its weaknesses. And the field is soon set right.

    You are far away from your master’s guiding hand, blown this way and that by a strong wind. But if you grip the soil, He will come back to you, and make right what has gone wrong. Because he knows how you should be.

    And he knows your weaknesses.

    The field will be set right – I have no doubts.

    Sincerely,
    your Sir

    • CollaredMom

      Thank you Sir. You always know just what to say.

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