Well, things are progressing. Sir didn’t laugh in my face when we had the TPE conversation. He actually responded very well, but we have a ways to go. The sex stuff comes easily. We are good at that. But adding in more control elements into non-bedroom stuff will be a trial and error process. He is taking it really seriously though, which I appreciate.
He already has ideas for certain issues and we talked limits. I think we both want the limits to go, that being the ideal in this arrangement. But, he is smarter than me enough to realize that even without hard limits, there are things he could do that would unknowingly push me over the edge. The example we talked about today was the difference between adding others to our play as opposed to having an open marriage. Adding a third or having him play with other subs is one thing. If he wants to loan me out to another Dom or couple, that is his choice. But that is different from him having sex with someone else and not telling me about it until after the fact. Playing with others together is something I think I could handle, but him dating or meeting other without me might be too much.
I feel like I should be able to look at him and say, ‘whatever you want, no matter what, I am your slave’. But I am not sure that I can. I have a strange emotional reaction to Sir sleeping with someone else. If he gave me to another Dom, I would be doing as he ordered. My mind creates an escape clause from cheating as it would be his call. And a threesome would be both of us, so again, no cheating. I guess it is shitty for me to say that him sleeping around is cheating, but me doing it is ok just because he says. Honestly, sleeping with another person without involvement from Sir would really bother me. But, if that is what he wants, then that is what he gets.
But, the inevitable has happened and I am sick. I figured the airplanes and airports would catch up to me at some point. So my head is a ballon and my throat is killing me. I honestly thought about begging to give him oral in the hope that the semen would coat my throat. Because, that makes sense right?