Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Definitions

Sir: There is no need to be insecure….you have a lifetime of being made a sexualized piece of meat to look forward to.

Promises, promises. It’s is terrible to me that I can’t just take this at face value. I want to. I really really want to. I’m just trying to keep my expectations in check. But as I started to perseverate on this statement, I realized that his promises are achievable.

It’s keeping everything on his terms. And that’s what I have realized is a big problem in our communication. Because we do. We talk all the time about our vanilla and D/s relationship. But our paths are crossing rather than walking together. We use the same words, but they mean different things to us. Submission, Domination, even in how we define what consists as a ‘scene’. We need to come together and iron out these basics, and that will help the rest of this come together.

Nothing would make me happier than to be a sexualized piece of meat. His piece of meat. But it is hard to be sexualized without sex. Florida Dom posted a piece earlier this week looking at how important is it to have sex regularly (every day in fact). And I agree with Ancilla_ksst‘s comment that sexual contact is important. It’s an issue that I want to iron out, but it’s obvious that this has to be on the back burner for now. I think I keep trying to push it to the forefront and it’s causing more problems. Until I can get passed this issue, I cannot hope to focus on the larger workings of submitting completely to him.

I need to take the positive and let that run through everything. He wants me. That’s always been a big insecurity for me. For various reasons I have always had concerns about his attraction to me.

This weekend we are hoping to sit down. That’s it, with all the running, being sick, and the kids, we rarely get to sit down together. There is always more to sort out than we have time for. But bit by bit we will reach a consensus on our definitions and future path. I’m not sure everything will be ‘fixed’ by one conversation, but the momentum is paramount. And we’ll keep plowing through this to find a path that suits us.

4 Responses to “Definitions”

  • Tamar

    It happens, these dry spells. Q and I are in one right now. Stress, medical stuff, kids, work, fatigue, all the day to day stuff takes it’s toll and makes it hard sometimes to keep up with the relationship stuff, let alone the D/s stuff. Sex and D/s seem to be the first things to fall to the wayside with us when things get rough and it sucks, no doubt about it. I think the key thing is- be patient with each other, don’t panic, and work to sort it out and get things back on track soon as you can, and love each other through it.

    • Rye

      I think panic is a good word for what I’m doing. I’m not sure why, but that’s my initial reaction to these periods. This is just so new for us. I agree that this is always the first thing to go though. It’s easy to let the D/s slip as our lives continue. But I feel this void as soon as it does, and I’m not sure he feels that way. So he doesn’t notice it as much as I do.

  • Midas

    My 2cts, they do not need to fit yours or your Masters. Ignore if I am being inappropriate.

    Dry spells happen. The question is how to notice and go forward from both sides.

    I have a rule: ‘The submissive may at any time offer her body for sexual use to her Master’

    This was specificly intended to enable her being submissive but expressing her need for a fuck .. if I am to consumed by work or such things. Just curious .. looking at section ii, rule 10 … in letting him know you live to serve .. could you offer yourself ?

    • Rye

      I believe so. I think it would be the rejection I would feel if he said no. Or the guilt if he went along even though he was too busy or not really feeling it.

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