As per usual, the excellent advice that I received from you all was exactly what I needed to hear. He can’t fix it if he doesn’t know that there is a problem. And, until he read my post yesterday afternoon, he had no idea there was an issue. And to think, when I was young I would never shut up.
After dinner he had me talk through my thought process and why I am uncomfortable asking for my own orgasm. I need to ask. He doesn’t want to deny me, but he doesn’t always know. So now I know to ask if I need something. Masturbating is still by permission only, but that is mostly so I can’t play while he is at work. At night when he is home, he generally doesn’t mind. And apparently he really does like to watch me take care of myself. I am not sure where I got the idea that he wasn’t a fan. I think my head makes up stuff to justify its own insecurities.
I also realized how much I need to have time to create on my own. I used to sew a lot. I have several quilts in process and scrapbooks that I want to do for the boys from our trip to the UK. I have a couple short story ideas in the works and at least two novels going. I just didn’t understand how much that time to myself helps me. I love my kids, but working from home and having the kids here means absolutely no time for myself. After this wonderful week from hell, Sir decided it would be best for me and the kids if they both went to daycare in the mornings so I can work.
Needless to say I am excited. I think the time to work in the mornings by myself will be good for me. And I may even have some craft time a couple times a week. I think this will really help me to balance my head. Days without sex will be easier to handle and I can start to manage my stress better in general. Baby steps to a better me. And a better me equals a better slave equals a happy Sir.