Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

My Virtue

Am I allowed to be offended by Sir showing me a chastity belt shop website with the conversation non-starter, ‘we’ll talk’?

I mean, I know that I am allowed to feel offended. Dom or not, I am still allowed to feel things. But, in this case, are my feelings justified?

Why do I need a chastity belt? If it were for some kink, some real discussion about orgasm denial, that would be one thing. But it’s not. It is his way of dealing with the fact that my sex drive is higher/stronger/more than his. I know he hates when I say this, but how is that fair? I am being punished for wanting/enjoying sex often.

He made a comment on Twitter about how he feels that I am not master-focused enough. Putting a piece of metal between my legs that I have to pee through will not really help that. And I am trying. Not to bore you with general life issues, but I’m working really hard to keep all our balls in the air (not his though, he doesn’t like that). I use this blog to help me deal with any sexual frustration, I don’t take it out on him.

But the other night we finally got the kids to bed and we got a chance to play. It was late and after giving him a blow-job (a pretty good one, if I do say so myself) he started to argue with himself over whether or not I was going to get to cum. And, with an audible sigh (very audible), he made some comment about how if he didn’t let me for the second day in a row then I would be grumpy and pissy at him all day. The oral was good, amazing, in fact. But, I will admit that the orgasm isn’t quite as good when you feel like you forced your partner into it. If you aren’t feeling sexy, that’s fine. Pity orgasms aren’t satisfying.

I just really feel like I am being punished for my sexual needs. Right now sex is one of the few ways that I have to deal with stress. I don’t have time for a lot of the stress-relievers that I used to do. Cleaning, the kids, and my job have overtaken all attempts at productive freetime. Even if I get a chance to sit and read or sew something, all I can think about is the mountain of laundry waiting for me. Or whether or not he needs something. How much more master-focused does he want. I already have enough asses in the house to wipe.

Obviously, I am being obtuse. And I would never say anything that rude to his face. I am sure he has a better reason to broach this conversation. But, now that the damn has been opened, how much say do I have? On nights when he doesn’t want to use me, he shuts me out. Like if he ignores me, that’s my cue. If we are going to play, he waits until I crawl into bed and starts trying to rip my nipple off. If not, then he plays on some device (phone, Ipad, etc.) until I sigh (also audible) and turn the light off to go to sleep. Then, in the morning, he assumes that I am mad because I didn’t cum the night before. And that may be part of it, but the bigger problem is that intimate time is how I connect with him. And he holds all the cards (as I guess is the reality of D/s). But now I am going to be ‘trained’ out of my sexual desires and then what? He still won’t talk to me unless he wants his dick sucked? That is not worth any form of metal underwear.

12 Responses to “My Virtue”

  • subhubphx

    Rye, you know I think the world of you but I am going to have to disagree. I don’t believe you have the right to be offended. When each of gets offended it is always because we have made a choice to feel that way. Unless the use of a chastity device is outside the boundaries of your previously discussed limits, ………. You get my point.

    Please don’t think I’m being preachy. I adore you, your attitude toward being a submissive and your blog.

    XOXOX

    SHIP

    • Rye

      I am in no way offended SubHub. I really appreciate your honesty. I’ve really be struggling with this topic/issue over the past weeks. We are just both dealing with other stressors (him work and me kids) and we just aren’y communicating like we should. We keep dancing around this problem and I keep handling it badly. And because I handle it badly, he doesn’t want to talk about it at all.

      I think that your right. I am just having trouble letting it go. And approaching it from the correct angle keeps tripping me up. Even if you are preaching (I don’t think you are), you are being very helpful. And you’re right, I need to get over myself and be more approachable about his ideas.

      I can’t to my friends about this, so I need my blogger friends to smack me upside the head and tell me to get over it.

      Thanks for the smack 🙂

  • tori

    Im inclined to agree with subhub.

    I dont think its a case of being punished or being trained out of your desires but perhaps a physical representation of getting into the mindset that your body, the use of you, your orgasms are his to decide.

    Yes, your needs for sex may be greater than his, it may well be a need you have, but shouldnt his wants come before your needs?

    Just some thoughts to ponder on.

    x

  • ancilla ksst

    It sounds like it is not the chastity belt per se that is the problem (this is a kink for some people, and perhaps your Master likes the thought of you all locked up- like bondage for the hoo ha), but that you are seeing a criticism of your sex drive in his interest in chastity devices.

    You seriously need to talk to him about this. And also about how you feel ignored when he’s not using you. There are other ways to be intimate even when his dick isn’t needing to get wet. And remember he can’t control that any better than you control your desire, and think kind thoughts toward him. Perhaps talk about some other ways to enjoy intimacy together so you don’t feel mad and ignored?

    • Rye

      I agree. The chastity belt isn’t the issue, I think it was just a physical object that I could take out my frustration on.

      I just hate pushing the ignoring button with him. He just gets mad. I feel ignored and I think he feels like I should just suck it up. I don’t feel very appreciated right now, but then I feel like as a sub I shouldn’t be allowed to feel that way. It’s a rock and a hard place for me and then I get upset and he feels like I’m just taking that out on him.

      Thanks for your good advice. I can’t imagine doing this without a blog to ask others for help. I would have given myself a concussion banging my head against the wall by now.

  • tori

    I commented but it disappeared lol

    I agree with what sub hub said, but also not to see a chastity device as punishment or training you out of your desires. Perhaps it’s a physical reminder that your body, your orgasms are his, and your needs are secondary to his wants.

    Hopefully this comment won’t disappear, perhaps I forgot to hit publish.

    • Rye

      I found your other comment and approved it. Not sure why it didn’t appear immediately.

      It’s a mindset thing that I obviously need to work on. Thanks and sorry about the comment confusion.

      • tori

        ahh that explains it lol, i have been having problems with blogger, i thought i was going mad, convinced myself that i must have not hit publish!

  • Simina

    Personally, I think a chastity device is a horrible idea. It won’t fix your libido. Not to mention, the things squick me out because they sound horrifically inconvenient and unsanitary.

    I’m a little confused though. Does he not want to get you off because he doesn’t feel like expending the energy, or because you have some sort of denial arrangement? If it’s just because he doesn’t feel like doing it himself, why doesn’t he let you masturbate regularly? Or does he?

    My ex had a low libido. At least, I assume he did because he rarely initiated sex. And what he did initiate did not involve getting me off. I became resentful of him because never seemed to want to have sex with me, even when I’d strip down and basically throw myself at him. Neglect killed our relationship.

    I think you do have the right to be offended. I do think this is an issue that needs discussing. Why doesn’t he want to get you off, or why does he find it such a chore?

    Perhaps I’m just biased because I think chastity belts are gross and that “Hey, we’re not having sex today.” or “You’re not getting off today.” are sufficient forms of orgasm control.

    Unless he’s really into chastity belts.

    Admittedly, my owner isn’t into any form of orgasm denial. He’s more of a forced orgasm kind of guy. But, he’s an admitted manwhore.

    • Rye

      I think it’s the unsanitary thing for me too. Maybe a misconception on my part, but they have always seemed like a bad idea as far as cleanliness goes.

  • Tamar

    I think being threatened with a chasity belt is kinna hawt…like it’d be Q saying “You know that cunt you got down there? Yeah, that’s mine and Ima lock that shit up for a bit to prove it to you.” Or something like that. LOL O

    Of course the fantasy of that, like so many things, is likely hotter than the reality and I’d imagine it’d get old really fast- chafing, having to go to the bathroom, trying to hide it under clothes, discomfort when sitting, etc. would all probably suck. But might be fun for a scene, just to play with and make a point, and then him take the damned thing off when he’s done playing with it?

    But that’s just me- how I’d approach it if Q brought it up. I’d tell him, “Ooh, that’s kinda hot. But maybe just for short term, cuz that shit would cause problems if you made me wear it all day, yanno?” And see if we could compromise on it, or think of something else entirely to fit the bill- depends on what Q was going for, and I’d have to talk to him about what he liked about it and what he found sexy about it and why he’d wanna do it, and then see what we could think of to do that we’d both enjoy, like maybe some sort of secret bondage thing I could wear under my clothes, or whatevs.

    • Rye

      I think that is the compromise that we have come to. We’re going to start with a scene or a short period of time to begin with. I’m not sure wearing it all day while I’m trying to work and deal with the kids would be too much right off.

      And I think once I thought about it, it was hot. It was just that initial reaction to get defensive and hurt that I tend to jump to that was the problem.

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