Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

The Taste of Fear

“Oh, Sir is letting you drink tonight, must be a special occasion.” She wasn’t trying to be snotty, I mean, I didn’t think she was. But her demeanor today was off somehow. I closed the door behind her and took her coat. She was wearing a beautiful purple bra and thong set with stockings and black heals. I hated that my first thought was wondering if Sir had bought it for her. I lead her straight to the bedroom, purposefully bypassing the kitchen. Sir hadn’t given me direction on whether or not she could have a drink and I didn’t want to run the risk of getting into trouble. Sir was in his office on a phone call, but he had seen me walk by to answer the door, so he would be wrapping it up soon.

I set my glass down on the dresser and glanced at the toys that Sir had laid out. He must have come in while I was doing dishes. There were the standard crop, cane, and belt, but also lots of pairs. Two sets of nipple clamps, two gags, and two butt plugs. We were going to match tonight. She noticed too. And the smile that appeared on her face made me incredibly uneasy. I’m not the best at reading people, but she had been playing with us for five months, and I had learned to read her face. Sir and I had met her at a munch and we had all hit it off. We had been meeting weekly for the last four months now and it seemed to be going very well. But today was different, and I couldn’t figure out how.

“So how was your week?” I decided small talk was the way to go. Normally it was easy to chat with her about tv shows, sexy toys, even the kids.

“It was great. Week two at the new job is going well. I think I found an apartment that will cut my commute by twenty minutes and they will let me have a cat.” Ok, so maybe she was just excited about a cat.

“That’s good. I didn’t realize you were so far from the new job. Would it be much more expensive than your place now?” Small talk, I could do small talk.

“It is a little, but with what I will save in gas, it shouldn’t be too bad.” Then the smile returned. “And, I may have a roommate to help me offset costs.”

“A roommate? I thought you were really picky about people living with you?”

“I am, but he would make it worth it. And he wouldn’t be living there all the time, just a few nights a week.” I knew where she was going. Why I didn’t see it before, I don’t know. What I did know was that I need to nip it in the bud immediately.

“I am going to assume that you are talking about changing our arrangement. I need to let you know that that is not going to happen. One night a week and preplanned parties were all that we agreed on.” But she was smiling the entire time I was talking, like she wasn’t hearing any of it. And it was making me very angry. “What? I’m sorry, but you agreed to be a third, you need to respect that we are and will continue to be a happily married couple long after you have moved on.”

“Unless things were to change where you were to become the third. Sir and I have been talking.” I was trying to maintain my composure, but I could feel myself shaking.

“He hasn’t promised you anything, and you talking for five minutes after a scene or online does not amount to you replacing me.” Where was Sir anyway? I wanted to get this evening over with and then he and I needed to talk before next week.

“He and I had a long conversation last night, at my apartment, where we settled quite a bit.” My face dropped. Now she was just lying to my face. Sir had a business meeting last night. He wasn’t even that late getting home. But as soon as I thought it, I doubted. He was distant last night, but he blamed it on work stress. I stood there, deep in my my own head, until Sir walked in a moment later.

“Sir a punishment is in order.” It was direct, he could tell I was upset, but he didn’t like to push too hard when She was here.

“You are begging for a beating already?” He smiled and looked to me to smile back. I didn’t.

“She is lying. Telling me stories about you meeting her without me. It is bratty and disrespectful to you to create lies just to upset me.” I looked down while I said it, I couldn’t look him in the eye. I couldn’t look at her grin. And when I looked up, I knew why. His face was stone.

“She wasn’t lying, was she?” I could feel my brain shutting down. He knew we had agreed that having a third was only okay with me when we played together. Meeting Her outside of our house, without me, was never on the table; and he knew that.

Her smile looked plastered on it was so big. I couldn’t be in a room with her anymore. I couldn’t be with either of them. I bent down and pulled my heals off, it’s hard to stomp off when you are worried about breaking your ankle.

“Red.” I practically whispered my safeword, but I may as well have been screaming it. He flinched. I started walking toward our walk-in closet to take off my stockings. Suddenly this outfit was making it hard to breathe, and I felt sick. “And I want that manipulative bitch out of my house now!”

I slammed the door to the walk-in closet and that’s when I woke up.

I was covered in sweat. I reached for a drink of water, but my hand was shaking too badly. I sat up and tried to take a few deep breaths. I was finally able to hold the glass when I realized that all I could taste was blood. I had bitten the inside of my cheek at some point during the dream. Actually, it felt like I had been chewing on it. A few sips of water and I felt only a little bit better. I flipped over my pillow and lay back down. Sir slept quietly next to me. He had had a business meeting that night.

***

I took a lot of liberties with the prompt this week, but I had this dream a few days ago and it wouldn’t leave my head until I wrote it down. I have a lot of insecurities, and Sir has always been amazing with them. We have discussed playing with others, nothing this consistent though. But as much as I would be interested in the experience, this dream has been recurring for me, and reminds me that I need to take one step at a time. Jumping into every kink I find interesting takes time, and we have plenty time to get it right.

Wicked Wednesday

6 Responses to “The Taste of Fear”

  • Marie Rebelle

    Oh those terrible dreams. It’s happened to me too, when we embarked on new journeys, wanting to explore new things. I even sometimes woke up with tears on my cheeks and a sob caught in my throat. The thing I found really helped is talk, talk, talk. I told my Husband about all my dreams and he was able to take my fears away. Like you said, there is plenty of time to do things and it’s so important to take it step by step and not rush into anything.

    Thanks for sharing. I think your use of the prompt is perfect 🙂

    Rebel xox

    PS: Love the new look of your blog 🙂

    • Rye

      Thank you.

      I think it is just really easy to be carried away. There are so many things to try and experience. Once you scratch the surface of BDSM, it’s easy to be flooded by information. When we started my hard limits list was basically only things from 50 Shades, and even then I had to look some up. Now that I have been doing this for awhile, I have actually added things. There was so much that wasn’t even in my head. And it gets away from me sometimes.

      I know others have experienced this type of reaction/fear, manifested in various ways. Thanks for giving me an outlet 🙂

  • Midas

    Ok, honestly, while reading I first thought your Master had lost his mind.
    No offense, actually written so well that I thought it realy happened this way.
    How perceived fear can completely overtake your real life, truly brave to write it down.

    • Rye

      Thanks, I am glad you liked it.

      Honestly, Sir would never do anything like this. He abhors cheaters and would never put me in that position. He actually wants to talk about this insecurity in more detail so that the next time I have the dream my mind will pull things for him to say. It hasn’t been anything we have ever talked about, so my brain doesn’t have responses to pull. It is an interesting idea.

      As hard as this was to put down for others to read, I took some comfort in the fact that most people have had this fear in some form. Mine is a bit more extreme, for reasons, but the general idea comes up often.

  • Velvet Rose

    Verbalising this dream is a really good way to order it. I have insecurities as well with introducing others and I have to be very happy with another female coming into our dynamic in the same way that M has to be sure with regard to another male that we introduce. We are very open and talk things through fully before an initial meet so that we know that we are on the same page should either one of us not be sure. Sometimes we just need some reassurances and being able to talk about our insecurities is the way to settle those fears.

    Velvet x

    • Rye

      I think that is a good arrangement to have. Not sure when/if we will ever get to a place where we are actively seeking others to play with, but I know we are both interested. We’ll see how we go and not rush into anything.

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