I want to say thank you to all those people who woke me up yesterday. I was being a shit. I hate that when you know you’re a shit and you just have to watch yourself dig the hole. It was a long day.
Anyway, Sir and I talked a lot last night. We aren’t being clear about our communication and our needs. I read him a piece that I found on tumbler about feeling cherished. We talked about how I wanted to be put in a cage. I just struggle with feeling purposeful. Washing dishes and changing diapers just isn’t very life-affirming.
But we’re getting there. It’s a lot of talking, much more than I realized. And I’ve never felt so insecure before. That’s weird. We’ve been together for years, why does adding a deeper sexual and emotional experience make me question that? I’m just a mess. Full stop.
But, when we do connect, it’s magic. Intimate and sexy, and I end up begging for anal and both of us moaning and turning to jelly. It’s worth all the work, all the confusion, for those moments together. When he calls me a slut and fucks my ass and grabs my hair as he cuddles with me afterword. When he calls me a ‘good girl’. It’s the most romantic thing ever.