Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Bad Day

Just a bad day generally. Sir didn’t sleep last night, the toddler has been having a rough few days, and I am feeling ignored. All three boys are fighting this cough/head cold thing. It’s just been a weird week as a whole.

I feel terrible putting that all on him. His stress makes him retreat and then I get lonely. I should be able to stand firm and handle his bad days with grace. If I was stronger, maybe that would help him get through those days faster. But just try to push through with sex. As long as he uses me sexually, I know that he is ok and I am still doing a good job. But when he pulls away from me there too, I get really lost.

While he was reading the boys a story last night I shaved. And I mean, I used a mirror, a brand new blade, pulled myself open shaved. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so smooth. It did make me want to get waxed though, as I want to be that smooth all the time. But I wanted to be perfect for him. So when he came to bed, played his game, and then went to sleep, I was crushed. It’s odd to me to how much his touch or lack thereof affects me. And part of me hates that. I need to be stronger.

But for today I am just grumpy. Personal growth will have to wait on my second cup of coffee. There are too many things on the list for reflection right now. Maybe on the drive to my parents this weekend I can turn up the radio and sing it out. We’ll see how many songs I get through before the toddler yells at me to turn it off.

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8 Responses to “Bad Day”

  • DtBHC

    Hang in there, there is always tomorrow

    • Rye

      Thank you. One day at a time.

  • ancilla ksst

    I identify with this. Bad week for me too. I keep thinking I should be happier. And then I’m not.

    • Rye

      Me too. I think I should be happy and satisfied and calm. But I the feeling is so fleeting. Between the work or kids or house, there is always something to pull me out of that happy sub place. And Sir isn’t always around to get me back there. And sometimes even when he is, there are outside factors. It’s just a weird week.

  • Midas

    I do not have these retreats often, but they do happen here too. I know my subby hates it when it happens, prepped awaiting, anticipating and poof. Master is snoring off … sometimes, if she offers herself extremely innocently cute I can switch.

    • Rye

      I know that both you and him don’t do it with malice. I think that it just throws me from time to time. Once we have a good talk we can usually sort through it. It’s just the push from the outside of everything else that can get to me. I like the idea of playing innocent. I will have to try that tack. He’s a huge begging fan.

  • Dubs

    If you didn’t have an off day every now and again, the good ones would be mundane.

    • Rye

      I never would have thought about it like that, but you’re right. The rough ones make you appreciate the good ones. Thanks for such a positive point of view.

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