Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Better than a sleeping pill

It was great weekend. Aside from dropping my glass plug and breaking it, of course (sad face). But other than that it was good.

I did a lot of soul searching. I’m not a ‘true submissive’. The book Uniquely Rika defines it as “The true submissive gives himself to the service of the dominant partner…for her pleasure. His fantasy needs, wants, desires, and weaknesses are not in play; only the desire to serve”. This book is written from the perspective of setting up an FLR, but I did find a lot that I connected with. Thank you lovely twitter boyfriend for suggesting it.

But, what made it truly helpful was that it showed me what I didn’t want. I love making Sir happy. I love making his life easier and showing him my love and desire through service. But I will admit that that isn’t the only reason that I do things. It’s hard when talking about cleaning and cooking, which I have to do anyway. And it’s hard to take on raising the kids and keeping the household just for his enjoyment. There are realities that I need help sometimes. That doesn’t make him less of a Dom, it makes him a good father.

I was beyond backed-up with work. I am heading to the office in a few weeks and I need to get a lot done before I go. So yesterday Sir helped me by doing dishes so I could work. Eventually, like when the kids move out, I will be able to balance more.

And the best part of this self-reflection is that Sir is understanding. He gets that I am trying my best. And him listening made everything better.

He wanted me to be wet all day yesterday. I happily obliged. Last night he was impressed with my work. He said I deserved a reward. Then he used me and put me to bed. Before I would have been upset that I didn’t get to come. I would have laid in bed and pouted like a brat. But it was great. Just the fact that he acknowledged that I had worked hard for him. That I had impressed him.

I was asleep in minutes.

6 Responses to “Better than a sleeping pill”

  • Midas

    I am glad the two of you are hashing through and you and Him showing vulnerable aspects of being a sub-Dom (integrating it in life) deserves a +1.

    That [true] label applies in so many ways to both of you.

    Thank you again for sharing your story and the everyday aspects you encounter.

    • Rye

      Thank you. I really didn’t think that this would be this hard. I thought I knew myself before and this would be an easy transition to just add some kink to our lives. Boy was I wrong. I have learned a lot of new things about myself and Sir throughout this process.

      Thanks for giving me a platform to share and for your support.

  • Simina

    I just want to say that I vehemently disagree with that definition of a “true” submissive. But then again, I’m going to disagree with most things that have the word “true” or “real” as qualifiers. Submission is not a complete sacrifice of one’s needs and desires. I seriously question any dominant type who believes the relationship is solely about them and their pleasure.

    Don’t base your value or dedication on statements like that, because they are inherently false in presenting themselves as absolutes.

  • ancilla ksst

    I agree totally with Simina on this.

    • Rye

      I don’t know if it is just because the book was written for a FLR or not. I don’t agree with the ‘true’ or ‘real’ stuff, but I get that the set up could work. Just not for me.

      • Simina

        I’ve seen the attitude from all genders and arrangements, but I’d say it’s a fairly common view from what I manage to read about FLR. However, I disagree with it whether male led or female led. It’s not a healthy dynamic in my opinion.

Reply

Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>