I have a twitter boyfriend. No, not a real one. Just a member of the opposite sex that I can talk to. At my old job I had a work husband. Sir thinks it’s funny.
But we lean on each other. We are both entering this world of submission and kink and trying to find our way. Helping each other balance our expectations, needs, and real life. It’s helpful to talk things through with him before I approach Sir with a problem or request. Another person to learn from with a different amount of life experience and knowledge.
When he talks about letting go of the things he wants, I find myself getting really emotional. It’s weird how passionate I get about it. A guy I have never met, a relationship that I really don’t know anything about, and I really feel for him. I want things to go well for him and for them to be happy. But I hurt on his bad days. When he mentions his wife not meeting him half way or his feeling of being ignored; I get upset. I have felt those feelings and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. I find myself pushing him to ask for more or at least to let her know his needs.
Who am I to give such advice? What gives me the right to tell this man what to do in his relationship? I have no training. I’ve been married a lot less time than he has. Why do I feel this compulsion to try and fix it, even when I may not know how?
It’s like last fall when Kaya was going through the ‘lesson of 2014’. It was hard to read her struggle. A lot of people were trying to support her by blaming Scott and telling her to leave. By reminding her that she was a person who was allowed to have needs. In the end, it was her letting go of those needs and coming back to Scott as a humble slave that she needed to do. Did my and other’s comments keep her from doing that sooner? I feel guilty at the possibility that she may have struggled longer than necessary to see his true vision. But seeing another in pain and emotional distress is hard. And I think that I gravitate to protecting other submissives to a fault.
Obviously in both these situations I am only hearing one side of the story. During March Q & A I asked Scott a question about his intention, specifically to get a look at his perspective of the ‘ordeal’. You want to be supportive and helpful, but on the internet you don’t really get an idea of the entire picture.
But in that moment of reading about someone’s bad day, you don’t care about the picture. You just want to help them feel better. Sometimes that means encouraging them to have an extra chocolate, despite their diet. Or telling them to demand more from their master; when everyone knows that that isn’t a good idea. But when you see someone unhappy in their situation, even if it’s just a sliver of their life, you want to help where you can.
At least I do. It’s something that I need to work on, as I don’t always have the right answer. But I am passionate about helping my friends feel better. When people tweet that they aren’t doing well, I will always write that I hope they feel better. Even if I don’t really know them. Everyone needs support sometimes.
Read about what gets others hot and bothered or share your own passions on this week’s Wicked Wednesday.