Kink in general, no matter what specific fetish you are into, is all about trust. Even if you practice self-bondage, you better trust yourself. You have to trust the other person you play with. That is a strong relationship whether you have the control or are giving it away. However fleeting your scene or arrangement, you have to create a connection, sometimes quickly, in order to have a good experience. So here’s my question: Can you have a good scene if you love the person you are with, but not the kink? Likewise, what if you love the kink, but not the person?
I guess the second question is easier. There are lots of professionals and kinksters who play with multiple people that they have no romantic attachment to. And I certainly wouldn’t presume to insinuate that their scenes are anything less than stellar. So that one was a gimme for most people.
I’m odd though (like you didn’t know). I don’t know if I could completely trust and relax into a scene with just anyone. And therefore sometimes I feel like I am just a body. I know the idea of being a fucktoy for Sir’s use can be a turn on. But there’s also the niggling idea that if I am just a body, then he could do this with anyone. Like I’m an interchangeable whipping post; a target only. Scratching his kinky itch is just about flesh. Playing by doing things to a person, rather than with them.
Which circles around to my first question. What if you love that person? Can you ‘fake it til you make it’ through a kink for your lover? Would you let someone you love do something like that for you? Could you tell?
Sometimes I feel like he is only playing along with my kinks because he thinks he has to. Like I will leave him or give him some silly ultimatum.
I feel at a weird impasse. I don’t want him to just play along. I know that our kinks don’t fit together perfectly, but I don’t want him to just suffer through it.
So yesterday I asked for some rough play. Mostly things that he is into, with a bit of what I needed. I hate asking for play. I feel like topping from the bottom, but he always says that he wants to know.
It didn’t go well. I throw myself out there, he rejects me, then he wants to know how I feel about it. I asked him to help me feel strong, to push me. He wasn’t in the mood. I get that. It happens. But was rubbing it in some game? Asking me how I feel when he says no. It hurts. A lot. I feel rejected, unwanted, unneeded, unappreciated, unloved. Happy?
So the obvious submission option is to just stop asking. Stop telling him when I need something and just accept whatever. Trust that he is doing this for the right reasons and that I’m doing by best to service him the way that he wants.
That wasn’t even easy to type, I can’t imagine doing it will be a walk in the park.