This weekend was difficult. More difficult than I was prepared for. I was focused on the toddler’s birthday party. And even when that was over, conversation moved to our house search. All topics were very emotional and draining. I certainly didn’t struggle to fall asleep at night.
But the dynamic really suffered. I am still trying to figure out how to maintain my ‘new’ personality around family and friends who were such a big part of the old me. When I return to my childhood home I know that I fall back into an older, less submissive version of myself. And because of that, I can feel myself sinking into a depression that I used to feel all the time. Going home just highlights how much D/s has changed my life. I’m such a different person than I was even six months ago. But that creates a problem. How do I stay myself, my new happy self, knowing that my parents would immediately recognize a change?
Needless to say, this weekend I failed. Around my mother I reverted back into a loud, but depressed, me. Sir noticed immediately. So he was getting frustrated and saw my various reactions as being disrespectful. Then I was getting pissed at him for saying that everything I did was disrespecting him. It was a swirling spiral of bad.
So Sir and I went back to square one last night. Obviously somethings need to be worked on before our next weekend away with family. I need to get more solidified in what Sir expects from me and how to maintain my submissiveness when we are around family. And how I am going to get through these next few months of moving and job hunting without losing Sir as my focus.
I’ll take any and all tips.