Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Moody Blues

This weekend was difficult. More difficult than I was prepared for. I was focused on the toddler’s birthday party. And even when that was over, conversation moved to our house search. All topics were very emotional and draining. I certainly didn’t struggle to fall asleep at night.

But the dynamic really suffered. I am still trying to figure out how to maintain my ‘new’ personality around family and friends who were such a big part of the old me. When I return to my childhood home I know that I fall back into an older, less submissive version of myself. And because of that, I can feel myself sinking into a depression that I used to feel all the time. Going home just highlights how much D/s has changed my life. I’m such a different person than I was even six months ago. But that creates a problem. How do I stay myself, my new happy self, knowing that my parents would immediately recognize a change?

Needless to say, this weekend I failed. Around my mother I reverted back into a loud, but depressed, me. Sir noticed immediately. So he was getting frustrated and saw my various reactions as being disrespectful. Then I was getting pissed at him for saying that everything I did was disrespecting him. It was a swirling spiral of bad.

So Sir and I went back to square one last night. Obviously somethings need to be worked on before our next weekend away with family. I need to get more solidified in what Sir expects from me and how to maintain my submissiveness when we are around family. And how I am going to get through these next few months of moving and job hunting without losing Sir as my focus.

I’ll take any and all tips.

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5 Responses to “Moody Blues”

  • rose

    We were never “out” to my parents and we also didn’t have much protocol to have to try and hide, but like you, I changed a lot- from being outspoken and rude and unhappy to being more relaxed and *ahem* slightly more submissive.
    And yes. They noticed.

    The thing is, though, they were confused at first because they were worried that this new me was the unhappy one. What they’ve seen is a change from outgoing to reserved, boisterous to yielding, and somehow this man fits in there and is acting all possessive over her and oh God she must be being mistreated and her spirit is broken.

    And clearing that up isn’t impossible, but depending on who they are you’ll need to approach it differently. For me, it was just a matter of letting them see how deliriously happy I was, how authentic the ‘new me’ felt, how loving and supportive and wonderful the relationship was from the inside. Once they got that, they understood.

    And if you can keep your head held high and keep being proud of the wonderful relationship you two have, I know yours will too.

    -r x

    • Rye

      That is lovely. I hope that they will understand who happy I am now.

      My mother is very outspoken and independent, so it’s hard for her to equate happy with quiet. And any time Sir gives me a look or I start to ask permission for something she looks like she might kill him. So I tone it down a lot when we are there. It’s hard though.

      Thanks for your kind words and support. Hope you two are doing well.

  • Nice Anon

    I am out to most people but not all. If we are not, I know what he expects of me, if I am unsure, I will look at him for some guidance, or a nod. Sometimes a quiet moment, when I can ask. Occasionally I am given a “pep” talk before hand, especially if it`s a social event, where in the past I have got a bit “above myself” for want of a better word. Like you, there were times I would have been a little “cocky”. We do have a punishment dynamic, which works for all of us, that does help too, I know there will be harsh consequences if I do cock up, plus I keep away from alcohol, which can make me a little mouthy. A lot of it is just time and practice, it will come. I can still have a great time, be myself, laugh, but respect is utmost.

  • Ellasha

    We are out to our family. His parents understand, my grandma doesn’t understand but shes not totally against it. She asks me questions about it. But when we are in the presence of family and friends we don’t use protocol. I call Sir by his name. Normally on the car ride back to our house from theirs I try my best to get back into my submissive mindset. It hasn’t really been too much of a problem though. I think practice will help!

    • Rye

      Practice will help. I think Sir and I will set up a family protocol. I think that will help us get through those times.

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