Well, the roller coaster has left the station. When the ride ends in a few months I hope we don’t have too many bumps and bruises. Our offer on the house has been accepted and now onto the next of a million steps. And you never realize how many steps there are to buying a house. It’s endless. But positive, so I will continue to check them off without complaint.
But the processing of which this post is titled isn’t actually about me or our house buying at all. It’s about Sir. Sir wrote a piece on Fetlife looking for some opinions on some play that he was interested in. He didn’t really get the response he wanted. And he was upset at how defensive he found himself getting when he felt attacked for his views. I think that hit him harder than anything. And that led to a very serious discussion last night. About his kinks and mine. How we are working to make each other happy. How all either of us really want is to make the other happy. It was late before we turned out the lights.
But we have a long way to go. And I’m not sure where it will lead. But having both of us just trying to please the other isn’t working. Maybe the 24/7 needs to go. Maybe it’s just not sustainable with our vanilla responsibilities right now. Maybe we were just venturing outside the bedroom a little too soon. On the other hand, maybe it is exactly what we need to get over this hurdle and strengthen our D/s bond. I just want to be enough for him. And I feel him pulling away from me. He says I’m sexy, but that doesn’t mean that I can give him what he wants. And I want him to want me like I am.
I asked Sir if he wanted to take my collar off last night. He said no. I was comforted by how quickly he responded. I held it while I struggled to find sleep. Through everything, I am his.