Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.


Today is bad. Worse than yesterday. Much, much worse.

Sir is mad, at me, at himself. I watched him struggle with his anger last night after we crawled into bed. I got into position last night. We had guests, so play was off the table, but that was pretty obvious considering the tension.

He says I bratted. I’m not sure I like his definition, but I guess I did. I selfishly wanted a reaction from him. Negative attention is still attention, right? I’m not trying to justify it, it’s bad either way. I didn’t want to upset him, or make him feel bad. I don’t know what I wanted him to feel, maybe that makes it worse.

But now I’m realizing that we are both upset about his lack of reaction rather than my bad behavior. And I don’t know what to do about it. If I can really do anything.

He says it’s about respect. It’s not that I don’t respect him. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t need more from him. And how much more am I allowed? Being a submissive for me does not mean obeying everything and expecting nothing in return. Just to give and give and be happy with a smile. Maybe it should be. That’s pretty much my relationship with my children, I guess.

Maybe I’m all wrong here. It’s definite possibility, it’s happened before. But first, how do I fix it? And second, how do get to a point where I can completely shut down my own desires and needs so that only his are important? How do I make his happiness my happiness?

I’m trying to do something nice for him today. We’ll see how it goes. Right now I’m so upset and confused I’m not sure what I will get done. He didn’t even give me a hug goodbye this morning.


Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>