Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Weekend

Sigh.

I’m just trying to take everything in from this weekend. Let me show you my dichotomy problem.

DSCN1605
Stress relief.
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Sir’s Stress Relief.

We need to talk about how much I hate tape. Not the duct tape, though I hate that too. It’s the black electrical tape that Sir wrapped the clothespins with. They stick to the skin and it hurts like a bitch. I’d rather have the splinters.

But anyway, this represents my weekend. We tore out a wall at the new house; at least two more will come down before we’re done. We are still trying to figure out what we’re going to be doing with the kitchen. We have a complete remodel planned, but the space is funky and we still need to figure out where everything is going to go.

The second picture was actually taken first (Thursday night, technically). This was the night that things went terribly wrong. Luckily, my mother-in-law took the kids for some grandma time on Friday. Sir and I ordered a pizza and did a lot of talking. We are both putting a lot of pressure on him. So we are taking a look at everything, maybe taking a step back. Clutching my collar a little tighter the last few days.

I’m worried I can already feel my attitude slipping. I’m not brating, but the thoughts enter my head more than I like. I’m weird about control. Things that I could easily let go of bother me a lot more. And the mounting stress of this renovation isn’t helping. I’m heading to the house two days this week, which is two days of paid work that I have to make up for. Then our budget for this reno is already tightening. At one point over the weekend we had water coming through one of the ceiling fans. Because, why not?

So I’m trying to take one day at a time. We are trying to take one day at a time. And I’m trying to keep everything in perspective. We’ll get there; and this type of relationship doesn’t just happen. Everything takes works along with trial and error. We were just getting so wrapped up in the labels that we weren’t having fun. To be fair, I’m not really having fun now, but at least we will be in the right space moving forward. I just hope that our pace isn’t completely halted by everything else.

I thought for a moment about going to get my hair cut off. A gesture of my ‘freedom’. And as soon as I thought it, I grabbed my long hair and couldn’t let go. I’ve got it bad.

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