Relationships are like stuffing recipes. Every family has their own take on what a traditional stuffing looks like. Even if they go for a modern take, spices and ingredients change from house to house.
However, since Sir and I have added more and more BDSM into our own relationship, I have found this strange pressure to fit into a prescribed box. Slave means this, Master means this, etc. etc. Like we can only be M/s to each other and nothing else. People don’t actually say that to us, but there is a ‘right way of doing things’ mentality.
But Sir and I are weird. Anyone who knows us, kinky or not, will tell you that. And fitting into prefab boxes has never been good for us. Lately, we have gotten so wrapped up in those labels that we are forcing the activity without any of the fun. For me, it’s all about the connection between us. That’s how I can manage to take pain that normally wouldn’t arouse me. The connection of seeing his pleasure lets me relax into my own.
But complete M/s just isn’t working. We have too much with the kids and the new house right now. Maybe if we were more established in our routine I could handle it, but right now it’s just not going to happen. I need help. I want to be stronger, better, faster for him, but right now I’m not. That’s not to say that I’m down on myself. Just realistic. I’ve been on my meds for about six months now and worked through a lot with counseling. But that isn’t to say that my depression has magically disappeared. I still have triggers for that and my PTSD that will pop up from time to time. The meds just help me manage everything day to day. And the new stressors, even though they are positive, create new challenges.
So Sir and I are trying to work through how to make things work with our kinks, keep them fun, and not go insane. It’s a tricky thing. Sharing is important. Which is oddly uncomfortable for me. I have this weird delusion about him reading my mind and always knowing what I want. Obviously, that has not worked. But telling him what I want and need is hard. I think that comes back to a general sexual repression growing up. Something that I need to work on for this to be successful.
But right now we have a lot to be getting on with. Sir wants me to be able to vocalize what I want and need from him. So we can see where our kinks overlap and begin to build our own labels. Our own box, probably with a lot more than four sides. Our own stuffing recipe that works for us. Knowing him, it will have hot sauce in it.