I’m in a crappy mood. I’m glad it’s Friday, but it’s been a rough week. Sir and I are working through a lot. We are both trying to make sense of what we want from each other. It sounds so easy, but I’m really struggling. And it’s bringing me further down than I would like. This morning, while making coffee, I actually thought about asking Sir to take off my collar. Just thinking about it made me want to cry. But I don’t feel like I’m earning it. I don’t even know what it means right now.
I keep waiting to wake up. I keep waiting for it to be some sort of test like Scott taught Kaya last year. Of course, since I know that story, it doesn’t quite work. And I guess I’m just looking for an easy fix. Something that requires the least amount of change from me. That’s pathetic. See, there’s a reason for me feeling down.
Sir and I haven’t had a lot of time together lately. And all of our time is spent talking. I’m just tired and cold. And today a lot of work has to get done. And I guess that’s more important right now.