Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Fight me

I hate confrontation. Always have. Being yelled at is really hard for me. I have found that even in my professional life I take things very personally. It’s a problem that I continue to work on. But any argument can devolve into personal attacks, so I tend to avoid them entirely.

When I was in high school I was one of only two liberals in the building. Many discussions in our civics and government classes quickly turned nasty as my fellow students didn’t appreciate a good debate. Topics from capital punishment to social security would end in yelling matches. Students that got their information from their parents and Fox News would be quick to anger when I refuted their position. Not that I always won, but I will admit that I faired pretty well. That is, until a teacher called me a ‘baby killer’ and quickly learned my place in the world. My parents were pissed, but the damage was done. Now I keep my political views to myself, even if I’m around agreeable company.

So I keep my mouth shut. Sometimes to my detriment, I know. When I am given the wrong coffee order or my steak is too well done I just let it go. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I just don’t want to argue. I have taken the ‘pick your battles’ motto to heart.

I still struggle with expressing frustrations and needs with Sir. I feel like I’m complaining and then I worry that it will lead to an argument. Once Sir told me to ‘shut up’ in the car and cried for ten minutes. I wasn’t even on my period. Avoiding conflict makes it hard to be completely honest. And to work on our relationship I need to get more comfortable with the possibility that things could get heated. Because only then will they have the chance to get better.

Maybe fights are a good thing. I always knew that those couples that said they never fought were missing something.

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2 Responses to “Fight me”

  • Tamar

    Learning how to fight, as a couple- without damaging each other or the relationship is a learned skill. It took Q and I years to figure that out. And I was like you, afraid/reluctant to speak my mind or voice concerns, for so damned long, afraid of how Q would react, because for the longest time, he’d react poorly- manipulation, gaslighting, etc. and it frankly took me hitting a point where I realized that wasn’t working and being willing to walk away from the relationship before we were both able to realize how destructive both our respective bad habits were in relation to each other. After that, we were able to come back to each other and try to break those bad habits and be able to communicate openly and freely with respect for each other- with me learning to speak out, speak up, and let him know what was on my mind, how I felt, and what I wanted and needed, without him reacting negatively or getting defensive. It made all the difference in the world- suddenly we were able to get on the same page together, really trust each other, and work together instead of being at odds all the time.

    I’m not saying you guys are in that same boat at all, it’s just that the way you describe your reluctance to speak up reminds me so much of me back then, so wanted to share my own experiences with that. Now, we fight, but we always keep in mind that we love each other, and want each other to be happy, and keeping that in the forefront of our minds at all times really helps, even when we disagree or get on each other’s nerves. Plus making up after a minor tiff is fun. He started something sweet and silly he called ‘apology kisses’ and it never fails to make me smile and laugh, no matter how grumpy I am.

    • Rye

      That is really sweet. I wish our fights would end like that. I just usually feel guilty and stop talking.

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