Sorry for the whining. It’s been a rough few days. Trying to give my husband support and keep everything moving around here has been more of a drain that I realized. And I think I’m trying to treat this as some sort of death. Like if I grieve for it then over time it will get better. Even if that is the case, I’m obviously not giving it enough time. I just want it to be clear and have a path to keep going on.
I think that has been the toughest thing. When someone breaks up with you, you don’t really have a choice in the matter (unless you want a restraining order and/or jail time). They are already over you long before they sever the relationship and you just have to play catch up. They are out of your life and you have to keep going. A set path, straight a head. But in this scenario, I don’t really have that. He was over BDSM before he told me. He’s done and moved past it. I haven’t; not even a little bit. And I have to figure out how to keep going with him still very much in my life (where I want him), but without that large aspect of our relationship. It’s not a straight path. And he’s not gone. Not that I want him to be, but it is hard on the days when I’m furious with him. And it seems that I have several path options to follow. Even if I rule out all the ones that don’t include him, it’s not a straight line.
It’s just weird to feel broken up with and still have continue on like nothing has changed.
Obviously having a low day. Maybe coffee will help.