Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Fresh Start

It’s amazing how much everything feels the same. And yet, everything is completely different.

I feel new. Like when you walk into your kitchen and you realize how cluttered and dirty it’s gotten. You give it a good deep clean and when you’re finished it looks brand new. I am a deep cleaned kitchen. And yes, that’s also a euphemism for how hard I was fucked last night.

I was relaxed all afternoon. I wanted to be in the best mood when he got home. So he could see how happy I was. He texted me that he would be late (work stuff pops up often), and I just ran with it. Dinner was waiting when he got home and the kids were calm. Usually when he runs late I get flustered. And yesterday I was in the zone.

That’s what was missing. The last month I have just felt lost. And after our lunch date yesterday we both had a lot of realizations and everything just clicked. We both wanted the other to be happy, and we were both wrong about what we thought that meant. And it was like we both woke up. We realized that we wanted the same things, we were just wording it differently.

So, no expectations. We still have a long way to go. But last night was an amazing first step to getting where we want to be.

3 Responses to “Fresh Start”

  • Tamar

    This…is good. Really talking, opening up to each other about what you both want out of the relationship and from each other is good. Deciding how to move forward together, wanting each other to be happy, is good. I could see you start to get bogged down, crawling into your own head, getting bitter and frustrated and it was hard to watch. I’ve been there. The only way out is to open up, put yourself out there, and be brave enough to deal with what comes next and let go of what’s been in the past, let go of the rigid expectations of ‘but this is how it’s supposed to be’ and face how things are, what can realistically work and let go of what can’t. Hope things continue to get better, and wish you both much happiness.

    • Rye

      Thank you. That is very sweet. Thanks for sticking with me as I’ve struggled through this. I was definitely getting into my own head. I need to stop comparing our BDSM to everyone else’s and just make it work for us. And I think we are on the path to do that.

      Thanks again for reading.

  • Her Subject

    So happy for you. Warms my heart reading this.
    Some things for you to ponder:
    A “submissive lite” at times?
    Not being a submissive bottom at all times? How about dominant bottom at times? Have your husband being a service top some of the time?
    My wife shifts between dominant/service top depending on her mood. But she remains top. We don’t follow the normal BDSM culture.

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