Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

All the Wrong Reasons

I really want to experience a threesome. Sex with multiple people at the same time seems like such an interesting, possibly overwhelming moment in time. To be able to be myself with two people (I would love to be a part of a MMF or a MFF threesome). The idea of it generally turns me on, and then I start to fantasize about a person to play with along with Sir, or a couple to play with without him. All the hands, lips, and sweat. I have had several fantasies, even written about one specific one I’ve had several times.

But here’s the thing, the really terrible thing:

I think the reasons I want a threesome are all awful. The idea of being the center of attention. But that’s not right, it’s supposed to be about pleasing others. And it’s not like I don’t want to. I’m usually really over emotional. I fall in love too fast and I take everything very personally. But the idea of sex with two people turns me into this selfish slut. I want their hands all over me. I want to reach out and touch, suckle, and stroke into flesh and not know who it belongs to. I want to make them moan, but only for my own selfish vanity of knowing that I could. That I was sexy enough to arouse two people at the same time.

Up until recently I had some very closed-minded views regarding sex. I really wanted an emotional connection with the person I was sleeping with. I wanted to be in love. And the idea of being in love with two people always seemed impossible to me, so sleeping with two people was immediately off the table. I expect a focus on me from my partner emotionally, so physically it just made sense. But the last few years have changed that. I still want the focus, but the mindset of what sex is and what it can be have be altered drastically.

Sex can be about a moment. It can be about sharing an experience with a person or people and just enjoying that time together. It’s not about a fairy tale ending where you are best friends forever or marriages are planned. Creating memories of people and sharing that sexuality in those moments can be just as amazing. And it’s not like you sleep with someone you hate. Even those I have fantasies about I talk with and flirt with. I have a connection with them, I would have a stronger one before I slept with them, but that doesn’t mean that I love them. Or that I want to love them. I want to enjoy the friendship I have created by sharing my sexuality with them. I think that is a nice thing, though I am afraid it sounds bad.

I want to kiss someone while someone else licks my pussy. I want to try a spit roast. I want to make a man watch while I make his wife scream. But I want it for me. I want to share myself with Sir and others because I think it I have something to give.

And here’s the other really terrible thing: that’s ok. That threesome, when I ever get it, if I ever it, will be about me. I will enjoy it for how it makes me feel. How that experience will change my sexual outlook forever. And the fact that that is thrilling and not scary to me just proves to me how far I’ve come. That me admitting a selfish thought doesn’t immediately make me feel guilty. And I hope that the others who take part in that threesome do it for themselves too. Sharing parts of ourselves for others to enjoy create a moment that benefits everyone.

So maybe I want it for the wrong reasons. Maybe Sir won’t want to share me with another if he doesn’t think it’s about him enjoying two women. Maybe the couple I fantasize about will be turned off when they read this. And while that would suck, at least I’m being honest about my feelings and desires. Sharing myself and experiencing two people’s sexual energy at the same time is a moment that I hope is in future. In a round about way it does come back to love. I love myself enough to not judge my own desires. And what those desires could become could be amazing memories,….fucking hot ones.
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12 Responses to “All the Wrong Reasons”

  • Stranded

    I recommend that now is always a good time to start. All involved should be doing it for themselves, absolutely.
    Stranded

    • Rye

      I don’t know why I spent so much of my life feeling guilty about that. Why shouldn’t a sexual experience be for yourself? That will only make it better for the others involved. At least, I hope that to be the case.

  • Marie Rebelle

    I totally think that all involved should be in it for themselves. That’s not selfish at all, not in my book. And, every relationship, no matter the power dynamics, is give and take. I can imagine that your Sir will enjoy too when he sees you enjoying yourself. I hope you can make some of these come true soon.

    Rebel xox

    • Rye

      Thank you. I hope so too 🙂

  • ancilla ksst

    I don’t think it is selfish at all. There is no reason you can’t be doing it for yourself and the others getting pleasure from it as well. That’s the goal, right? Everybody has a great time.

  • Her Subject

    Life is about joy. Don’t over think “why” something is joyous… just enjoy it. Leave the why’s to professional psychologists to figure out, which can take up a lifetime…

    • Rye

      That is a great way to think about it. Let it just be joyous and not ask why. That is generally how I am trying to approach all of my life now.

  • Carmalee

    I have been lucky enough to have some MMF threesomes and invariably I will say that I feel selfish. The response is always some version of I deserve to be selfish. I may not totally believe it but it’s worth a little guilt.

    • Rye

      I think that in some way I deserve to be selfish sometimes, and why not a MMF threesome to indulge in that selfishness.

  • Delilah

    I think as women, and especially once we’re moms we’re so conditioned to think of being the center of attention as “wrong”. That we should put everyone else first. But it’s important to distinguish between not actually wanting to be the center and doing it anyway and wanting it. If everyone has fun, no shame.

    • Rye

      I completely agree. No shame 🙂

  • LordRaven

    live it and love the moment. Why else would we do it if not for the pleasure we crave? I might be just as selfish as you but I think you have good reasons if you are allowed to proceed

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