Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Intimacy in BDSM

You know that moment in romance novels and romance films where the couples’ eyes connect and everything goes into slow motion? His hands skim all over her body and her perfectly manicured nails run up his back. The mainstream definition of intimacy comes across as passionate and satisfying for both partners (in a purely orgasmic fashion). Which, of course, includes smooth movements and no fluids or mess of any kind. No one needs to clean up or ever gets a UTI; just a lot of beautiful people fucking endlessly. There is no concept of the passage of time aside from the occasional breaks for food. Which are always eaten in bed or wrapped in a sheet and there are never crumbs ANYWHERE (bitter mom here).

But how do you really achieve intimacy in a BDSM context? I think that the above definition doesn’t work. Intimacy can be so much more than the fifteen seconds that they show in film. And intimacy can be shown and experienced by more than just a traditional orgasm. The connection can be created in those moments of blissful agony. For some (hint, I am some), intimacy is being called a ‘good girl’ after taking the belt and asking for ‘just one more’. Intimacy can be draping your sub with an aftercare blanket or helping them to a glass of water. The embodiment of trust and care.

I think broadly, intimacy is about a connection. And I’m sure that that connection can take several forms. Some people can have that type of connection during a conversation in the middle of a busy restaurant. And I can have that feeling being cuddled up next to Sir after he has beaten me to tears. I guess it just bothers me how difficult it is for people to understand intimacy outside of that traditional idea. Pushing that misconception seems to make them think that our version is weird or wrong. And it makes those in BDSM feel enlightened and better somehow. I’m not sure either is wholly correct.

But intimacy is beautiful, in whatever form it takes. And rather than judge others in how they achieve it, maybe we should strive to have more of it ourselves. That’s not really a surprising conclusion from me, is it? Don’t judge others, just have more intimate moments and more sex. Yeah, who didn’t see that coming?

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One Response to “Intimacy in BDSM”

  • ancilla ksst

    I really love this one. No particular part, just all of it.

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