Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Lonely on repeat

Some days I just feel so lonely. Some days I am alone and it makes sense, but more often I’m surrounded by people and feel like the only person for miles. The idea of being lonely in that situation scares me. Allowing myself to enter into this spiraling pity party is just bad all around.

I had lunch with a close friend yesterday. It had been awhile since we got caught up and our three hour lunch was more than necessary. Her husband has been cheating on her. She was contacted by the other woman when he finally decided to break it off. He had been with that other woman for two years. TWO YEARS! I couldn’t believe it. It was a punch in the gut for me, I can’t imagine what it was like for her.

We had a great talk. She said they are doing better. Counseling is helping both of them and she is very positive about where they are. But I was more than a bit crushed on the way home. I hurt for her. And through no fault of hers I was incredibly lonely. And I came home to our empty house. That didn’t help things. It’s not like I didn’t have plenty to do. A nice long lunch with my friend was great, but I still have paid work to do and a business to get off the ground.

I think I stared at my phone for twenty minutes hoping someone would call. Believe it or not, my mother-in-law called about three minutes after I gave up. She’s wonderful for talking through stress and has gotten very good over the last few years and knowing when I’m upset. So she let me vent for a bit, she’s helpful like that.

Today I have even more to keep me busy. I get my monthly B12 shot this morning, so that should give me some pep to get through the day. I’ll also try and follow up with my friend and schedule another lunch date (not six months from now like the last one). But work will take up most of the day. And I’m going to try and set aside an hour to write in the afternoons as much as possible. Hopefully that will mean some more fiction on here, but also some baby steps on my several in-process stories. And that may have to wait until tomorrow to start as the baby is home with a fever. It’s all about goals though. And since, depending on what the MRI shows, I may have to have surgery on my foot, I can use the hour that I used to run to write smut instead. It’s like a win/win, except for the inevitable weight gain.

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