Do you ever feel like you are doing it all wrong? Like there was class you missed and no one will share their notes? I actually feel that way about life most of the time, but right now I specifically referring to BDSM.
I know there isn’t ‘one right way’. Kinky relationships and encounters are a constant recipe change of add a bit more salt or turning the oven up for the last ten minutes. Little changes can have an enormous impact on the entire dynamic and have to be made with care. But Sir and I don’t have the luxury of small changes over a long period of time. Between the kids, the two businesses, and the upcoming move, we are lucky to get a chance to play at all. We try to talk about scenes, but changes in our dynamic are sporadic at best. It just feels like everyone else got the memo on how to do this, but our emails both crashed that day, apparently.
The hardest part is that I think we know what we want, and even better, those wants aren’t that disparate. But as much as I crave something closer to 24/7 and even though he’s game for that, we can’t seem to make it work. I feel like I’ve already given up control, it just wasn’t willingly, and numerous people have a piece of it, including the dog. Even trying to incorporate small acts of D/s outside the bedroom has had to compete with other priorities. Because work and the boys refuse to share their time, our personal time (limited though it may be), is usually the first thing offered up for more play opportunities. And I can’t judge Sir for wanting to keep that time. He works hard and those relaxing moments alone are rare enough as it is.
Maybe it is just the general stress of life right now. A lot of things seem to be prefaced with, “once we’re settled in the new place,” and maybe our D/s routine will have to be one of them. I just can’t help but think that there must be an easier way. Maybe not easier, I do want to work through to find the right path for us; I’m not trying to skip the work. I guess I just read these blogs about the D/s relationship once it’s established. There may be some tiny bumps and a fight or two, but the foundation is there. Sir and I love each other and our marriage is solid, but this new layer keeps tripping us up as it wasn’t there from the beginning. And I have been surprised at how tricky the process has been to alter some of our older understandings.
I think that I would love for this testing phase of the dynamic to be over. It would be lovely to move into the new house with our relationship solidified. Because, even once we move there will be stressors pulling on our time. And I am more that a little bit ready to have one of those ‘boring’ kinky dynamics everyone talks about. Growing old as Sir and Rye with my daily bondage wear and successful play parties with all our kinky neighborhood friends. What more could a slave ask for?
Even with those lofty goals, I will try and keep perspective and appreciate the journey. I guess if there is no ‘right way’ then our trial and error cannot be too wrong. And I guess steps forward, however small, are still moving in the right direction.
You guys would tell me if we were making a complete mess of it though, right?