Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

My free mind

50 Questions to free your mind

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer. And I’m not really afraid of TMI.

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Late-twenties mentally, but mid-forties physically. I really don’t have my career together, but I have goals that haven’t been shattered by life yet, so mentally a few years younger than I am now. That and I still love cartoons. Physically is a different story as I am probably in the worst shape of my life. Hopefully I can correct this soon.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Right now I would say never trying, but that is because I just started my business and I still have high hopes. If I fail at it I may have a different view and wish I wouldn’t have wasted the time.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? The end justifies the means I suppose. Not sure I can come up with a better answer. We have to go to work to pay bills. Sir and I would love to have sex all day, but food isn’t free.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? What a silly question. I guess I used to talk a lot when I was young as part of my anxiety, so maybe said more.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? World peace is sort of a coop out isn’t it? But I’m not really sure there is another answer. Maybe to reverse the effects of global warming.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Writing. Historical research would be great, or novels. Getting paid for all these books in my head would be amazing.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Right now a bit of both. I work part time for a database where I write abstracts and do research. I have this blog for my main writing outlet. And I started the business in February. If it can make the money I hope, then I will eventually just be able to write for fun and work for what I believe in.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I probably would have slept around more in college. Maybe been more willing to try drugs. I’m also not sure I would have had children. My kids being possibly orphaned at 14 and 12 seems horrible.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Depends on the day. Most of the time I actually feel some mild control (that I give to Sir happily, of course). Other days I have no clue what I am doing.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. I’m always worried about ruining the kids by doing the wrong thing. I worry about doing the wrong thing for Sir often too.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I would play devil’s advocate to try and make them see how unnecessary their comments were. If that didn’t help I would say that I would not continue to take part in this conversation anymore and leave.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Take one day at a time.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I don’t believe so, but I’m going to keep my eyes open for it now.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I’m left-handed, so I do a lot of things differently than most people.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I’m weird? I’m a kinky masochist slut who enjoys being spanked and covered in come; it’s probably okay that that isn’t for everyone.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? I’ve never gone on a shopping spree for me. Buying lots of clothes or anything that’s just for me. Usually it is our bank account that holds me back. Sir’s blessing is important too, though if we had the funds he probably wouldn’t mind.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Sir has lied to me a few times that have really hurt me and have made me wary in the past. To give our D/s the best possible chance I really need to move past it.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Scotland. In an instant. All my experiences in Scotland have been some of the happiest and most satisfying of my life.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No. I hate elevators. That I have a four year old, so I’m not allowed to push the button anymore.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Most of the time I fall into the ignorance is bliss camp. I worry enough as it is.
  22. Why are you, you? Because my parents made the choice to have completely vanilla sex one night in 1984.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Some from column A and some from column B. I have let life get in the way from being the type of friend that I need to be. But I have also reached out and tried to be the type of friend I want and have been burned.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with someone close. I moved around enough as a child to know how to stay close with those that move away. That and smart phones.
  25. What are you most grateful for? The time and effort Sir has taken to give our BDSM it’s best chance.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? I would hate to lose memories of loved ones, but I guess I would rather lose the old than the new.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes. (See, I can be a vague too 🙂
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yes, I watched someone I care about die in front of me.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? I had to think for a few minutes where i was five years ago. I finally had to get out my journal to check. I was pregnant with our first child and getting over food poisoning. It doesn’t matter now, but it sucked.
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? I remember the day we legally adopted my brother. I was six and wore a red dress. The judge commented on how pretty I looked. We have pictures with him after the proceedings. It was the day our family became whole.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? We Sir took me to get my nipples pierced.
  32. If not now, then when? When we get settled in the new house. Everything in our lives is ‘when we get settled in the new house’.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? My family’s financial security. I’ve started my business, now it’s just trying to give it time to grow and be everything that I know it can be.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? I have had this experience and felt a connection, but I don’t remember the ‘said nothing’ bit.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because ‘support love’ is always under their definition and their rules.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I certainly have doubts.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Probably my part-time job so I could focus on my business.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy. I actually love work. It makes me feel productive and like I’m contributing to the family.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? No, but I have had that feeling before.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? February of this year when I started my business.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My parents. I would love to spend the day with them, Sir, and my kids.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No, Sir loves me as I am and I would always rather have ten more years with him.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is running around just going through the motions. Truly living is knowing who you are and not being ashamed of it.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? 10:28pm
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? The perpetual cycle of guilt.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Not mow my lawn.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Last night while I was trying to fall asleep.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? Writing, coffee, sex. I actually just went in to rub Sir’s leg to remind him how much I love service to him.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? This week may not be the week to ask this question. In five years I probably will remember this week. But it won’t really matter in the big picture.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? You get that I’m a sub, right? I am quite literately begging for those decisions to be made by others.

 

This is one of my 101 Things in 1001 Days.

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