Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Attempts at Self-Gratification

Sir told me to cum when he left for work yesterday. I actually avoided it for awhile, as I was worried that I wouldn’t be successful. Stress and my ever-processing mind has made it difficult lately to focus through to orgasm. But after the grocery run and packing a few boxes, I decided to give it a go. I mean, he told me to, right? I grabbed the Doxy and thought that porn might be a nice change. But with this plan came a problem. All our porn is on Sir’s gaming computer, and I was pretty sure it was password protected.

In the end, I was able to find the porn folder and get into it without too much difficulty. I’ll actually have to talk to him about how easy it would be for the kids to stumble on it. But then…what to watch? It’s hard enough to decide what to watch on Netflix, much less what to wank to. Out of sheer curiosity I chose a vanilla piece that we purchased before we were kinky. It’s not kinky to watch porn together is it? If so we have always been and I never realized.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen it and it didn’t take long to remember why. Wow, do I need in kink in my life! It was mildly inspirational, I mean I eventually came. But it was a hard fight. There was no kneeling, no spanking, no choking. I don’t know what it is about kinky oral, but BDSM blow jobs are so much better to watch. She didn’t even seem half interested. I’m not judging, but isn’t that the whole idea of what pornstars do? I go after Sir’s cock with more enthusiasm and I’m not being filmed or paid. Well, paid in his satisfaction and appreciation (wink wink). I don’t know, it was just sort of a let down.

Then the woman had her turn. That part is always interesting for me. A viewpoint I never get to see. I tend to find that that is one my biggest turn ons. I like to watch men work. Well, women work too, I’m not picky.

So anyway, maybe I’ll try a different one today. Sir is gone with at a conference and I’m all alone in our big bed until Sunday. I think I’ll have time to test out a few more.

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