Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Talk a big talk

I haven’t always wanted to have sexual experiences with multiple partners. Having been cheated on in high school and remembering that hurt, I always thought I would remain a serial monogamist. And it wasn’t like that bothered me. Those who refused to settle down and commit to one person were always depicted as players and incapable of growing up. Family and TV cemented this idea.

Since starting this BDSM journey with Sir, the fantasy of playing with other people and couples continues to grow. Nothing against Sir, but even he admits that he doesn’t have the expertise in all of my kinks. BDSM isn’t just about sex, there is so much more to share. But I’ll admit, the sexual aspect is a large draw. Most of my hottest fantasies include being used (and abused) by others. Sir is usually there, often taking part. Though having him loan me out to a couple has become a dream weekend I would take in a heartbeat.

I honestly don’t know how I feel about it. Part of me feels like I’m getting really turned on at the thought of being unfaithful. What does that say about me? That I’m a slut who loves sex. That I appreciate that other people can give me a sexual experience that I would love to have. That Sir and I could learn from others and have a great time doing it. As long as we are both honest and keep communicating with each other, I think it’s okay. I don’t want Sir to feel like I am not putting his needs first or that I am in any way saying that he doesn’t make me happy.

I don’t think I would classify myself as poly though. Just because I want to have sexual experiences with others and enjoy what they can bring to my kink, doesn’t mean that I love them or want to have a long-term romantic relationship with them. I don’t think I could love another person like I love Sir. And I don’t want to share the life we’ve built together. But I would always love to have another sexy friend. I don’t know that I would feel comfortable having sex with a stranger, I want to know you and have a connection. I want to talk to you about what books you like and what silly thing your kids did.

So is me craving a network of friends with benefits just me trying to justify my parting with serial monogamy? Have any of you struggled with the desire to add another person or people to your play? Was there an emotion backlash the first time you did? Did it change your relationship for the better? For the worst?

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3 Responses to “Talk a big talk”

  • ancilla ksst

    There is a huge amount of communication that goes into this. We do play with other people, but we started slow, with things we thought would be easiest to deal with, and didn’t jump into anything really big and hope that nothing bad (like emotionally bad) happened. It has made our relationship different, but I wouldn’t really say better or worse.

  • Tamar

    This was a HUGE sticking point for Q and I, and all but destroyed our relationship before we really even got it started. Until we realized, Q realized- there was a difference between and “open” relationship, and playing with/having sex with other people; and being “poly” and having romantic relationships with other people, which may or may not include playing with but generally includes sex. I wasn’t cool with the poly thing. I was more uh, “open” to the idea of an open relationship. And once we started talking about it, Q realized he was really more interested in an open relationship with me, than a poly relationship without me. Two years later, we still haven’t officially opened up our relationship and played with anyone else, but we do talk about it openly every once in awhile and we both seem to be on the same page about it- open to the idea, but only if someone we both liked and trusted enough to play with/sleep with came along, which they haven’t yet. We’ve both tried poly relationships in the past and they all ended very badly, but we both think just having a friend or two we have a threesome with every once in while or scene with at a party or dungeon would be pretty hot. Now that’s easy enough to say, but should it happen, will be have problems with jealousy? I dunno. We’re both pretty possessive of each other, so it’s a possibility, but one we could talk freely to each other about, so- we’ll just have to see.

    • Rye

      That is a good way to look at it. Open to the idea, but not rushing it. Just a ‘see what happens’ sort of plan.

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