Through this process of finding BDSM and discovering my submissive sexuality I have worked to let go of my issues with masturbation. I’m still not comfortable taking care of my own horniness as often as I could, but it’s a process. However, as I take steps to get more comfortable with pleasuring my own body, I am having more issues with Sir taking care of himself.
Molly (@Mollysdailykiss) wrote a great piece for This D/s Life about how being used is a large part of her submission. I found myself nodding along as I read. I understand that being his used slut is part of what really turns me on. Being pulled upstairs in the middle of the afternoon to have my skirt thrown up so he can have a quick fuck before the kids yell for more juice. It may not be everyone’s fantasy, but honestly, I usually masturbate to something similar (sometimes the kitchen counters, sometimes the laundry room). With our often hectic lifestyle, those little trysts are a joy. And just the idea of him going upstairs on his own for a wank without me hurts. Not that I really think his hand will ever completely replace my pussy (or ass, or mouth), but I’m quickly learning that I’m more needy than I’d like.
I know that sometimes he just wants to take care of himself, he likes that sensation occasionally. But as a needy slut, it’s hard for me to accept that he doesn’t want to use one of my holes. Part of it is that his sex drive isn’t as high as either of us would like. But it seems like a pretty crappy double standard for me to get upset with him for masturbating just because I would like more sex. If that were the case, then the person with the higher sex drive in the relationship is the only one allowed to masturbate. That doesn’t seem very fair. Though I guess when I think about it, that is how it used to be when his sex drive was higher than mine. But that was more because of my issues. He should be allowed (he is in charge) to satisfy himself however he likes, whenever he likes.
So apparently my growth has helped me move from one issue to another, but it is progress. I shouldn’t feel like less of a submissive if he chooses to have some alone time. Just like (at least for now) he is okay with me having some afternoon fun while he is at work. Maybe even if he doesn’t want to use me he could wake me up or take me upstairs to watch and maybe help out a little bit. It is always nice to feel needed, but masturbation is lovely enough to be enjoyed by all.