Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Kinky Opinions

Twitter Boyfriend: In my opinion he isn’t a Dom.

Rye: It’s not my job to judge that. He just isn’t going to be my Dom. He didn’t do everything that I would have wanted as a Dom, but he was testing the waters too.

Twitter Boyfriend: To be honest I disagree. He was unprepared, did not have a plan, was not interested in your experience of the scene, his manner seemed to be offhand, he was focused on himself, his aftercare as you point out was non-existent, outside of sex and some punishment there was nothing dominant.

Rye: I agree.

Twitter Boyfriend: I’m sorry for being blunt but I care about your happiness and I feel you were disrespected. I really believe that you can do so much better.

Rye: I’ll admit that I felt disrespected yesterday too. But I don’t know if that is just who he is, or if it was purposeful.

Twitter Boyfriend: *Douchebag – I can’t see how that’s purposeful, it was selfish. I am extremely happy though that this experience seems to have bought you and Sir together which I think is brilliant so there are some positives.

~

We had this conversation after my post on Saturday. It’s nice to feel loved. However, I feel bad at the thought that I painted this Dom in a light that would question his skills. He didn’t do it for me. And, if contacted by a submissive in the future who was looking for a reference (something I should have done), I probably wouldn’t give him the best review. But it all depends on what you’re looking for. Honestly, my disappointment was largely my own fault. I let him talk me into skipping the initial meet. He was leaving town on vacation and wanted to get together before he left. I knew there was a chance it could turn into something, but it should have been obvious that he was expecting more as soon as he walked in the door. I guess I feel like I should take some of the responsibility of the scene. Maybe I wasn’t impressing him so he toned everything down.

And my lovely Twitter Boyfriend was right about one thing, it was positive for Sir and I. Our weekend without the kids was amazing. Sleeping in and walking around naked was an added bonus. We got to do dinner and movie on Friday and had a delightfully kinky afternoon on Saturday. We were able to talk about what I felt was missing from my scene with Sean. And we got to play where I was completely comfortable with what was expected of me. Being tied to a table and left in the basement with the Doxy tied between my legs was helpful too. A great way to reflect (and by reflect I mean forget about everything).

Rye on table with bondage in basement

However, I’m still reflecting a lot on what it means to be kinky. After Sean called our scene, ‘pretty vanilla’, I wondered how levels of kink work. I know I’m not as hardcore as some in the lifestyle, but who decides on kinky cred? And what activities must you do to be considered kinky? But that will be a future post once I make sense of it. I think I’ll try and get some other opinions before I make any drastic conclusions.

In any case, Sir and I are still happy that he loaned me out to Sean and we learned a lot from the experience. There are things that we would have done differently, but there is always next time.

2 Responses to “Kinky Opinions”

  • ancilla ksst

    The way I see it, there is no dom accreditation board or dom academy, so Dom is a self inflicted (ha) title. That doesn’t mean every dom is going to click with every sub. There probably is a woman somewhere who is looking for just his type, but obviously that’s not you. No harm done, really, and in fact that led to a great weekend with your Sir, which is awesome. I have also found that in playing with others we bring extra erotic energy back to each other.

    Who decides what is kinky? Me! Just kidding. I think it is all relative, and so the more experience you have, the less things seem kinky, they start to just seem normal. Until they are missing of course, and then it is like “Where’s the slapping?” or whatever it is that you generally do.

    We have always met potential play partners in a non-play context first, gotten to know them a little, talked and done the get to know you stuff before agreeing to play together. I can’t think of any time we have gone straight into play (besides the gang bang in which the whole point was that I didn’t know them).

    Ways to do aftercare? You can discuss what will happen beforehand. That will leave you not in a state of shock or confusion next time. The other dom could hand you over to your Sir for aftercare if that is agreeable to everyone. Or you can tell him beforehand what you like. Personally, I like to be given back to my Master. Sometimes there is a cuddle pile 🙂 which is nice, or sometimes it is just the two of us.

  • Tamar

    Yeah, personally- I’d be sure to insist on meeting a potential play partner in a casual setting first, with Q, to assess for any red flags that might kill the play idea, and/or to see if there was any chemistry or not. I discussed your post with Q, asking him what he thought about it- he and I are so cautious about stuff like STD’s that we’d have to meet someone we both really wanted to play with for sex to be on the table. Non-sexual play isn’t as big a deal, we just did that brief co-topping scene at Frolicon spur of the moment and it was pretty fantastic (though not sexual at all, really- just really freaking fun). Sex tends to complicate things for me (and Q), so we tend to leave it off the table for now, though that might change in the future. We tend to file that away in the “sounds hot, great wank/fantasy material, but probably not as good for reals” file for now.

    But I’m sorry you had a less-than-stellar experience. Sounds like it was a learning experience for both of you, though and at least it’s something you can cross off your list?

Reply

Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>