Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Sexless Transition

So Sir and I were having a conversation last night about stress and money stuff. I hate money stuff, but Sir trusts me to take care of it. Anyway, the conversation goes like this:

Sir: It’s just stressful.

Rye: Yeah.

Sir: And this is what has turned me into a sexless monk.

Rye: Yeah.

Quite a riveting exchange, wasn’t it? Because what was I supposed to say? Yeah, it’s fine that we only have sex once a week. Of course it’s okay that I spend more time building Legos with our 4yo than I do naked. I am trying to be supportive. Trying to understand that the last few months have been crazy for both of us that we are trying to deal with things in our own way. So nodding along as become the obvious option.

But I won’t lie and say that it’s not hard. I flip from being wildly horny to blindingly frustrated at the kids all day. That balance has been hard to maintain lately. I don’t know how it changed, but my sex drive has actually made intimacy more difficult. At least it seems like that to me. I am always turned on, so he feels intimidated. Again, that is just my viewpoint. And that creates stress for both of us.

So how do I help the sexless monk? I think he is only saying that because he knows we aren’t having as much sex as I would like. Or maybe he’s just not attracted to me specifically. My worry-wart mind has run through several possibilities. But most of them lead back to stress. We both wanted to get into this house and I think we expected everything to settle down. This whole adult thing has been hard to swallow. And our kids have had a great time reminding us how green we really are.

So, maybe we have to be sexless monks for awhile. And when the stress settles we can get back to enjoying each other and maybe even a few new people.

2 Responses to “Sexless Transition”

  • Tamar

    Ok, “sexless monk” had me giggling, your dude is funny. And we’ve been there, me and Q, I’m sure plenty of us have. I think it’s vastly different for those of us that have kids, jobs, etc. to contend with- there’s really only enough time, energy to go around, and the other stuff eats it up pretty damned quick, especially if there’s something stressful going on (like a move, rennovation, etc.). Q and I are both what I’d consider ‘highly sexual’ people, and yet since we moved in together two and a half years ago, we are lucky if we average sex once a week. More often, it’s once ever 2 weeks, or sometimes, depending, even longer. It sucks, yeah- but honestly I figured out early on that getting frustrated and resentful just makes things worse, makes him feel bad and puts pressure on us that adds to the stress and makes sexytime more of a chore than the amazballs fun activity that we know and love. So I just chill, and understand that it’ll happen when we can make it happen, and we fit in plenty of touching, loving, etc. whenever we can to tide us over til we have the privacy to cut loose and get sexxed up. BDSM play time is even harder for us to fit in, but again, I try not to fuss- it’ll happen when we can make it happen and getting upset doesn’t help. It’s normal. One thing that is supposed to help, that we’ve done with varying degrees of success, is to “schedule” sexy time/dates/scenes, and then do whatever you can to make it happen. Sometimes we still fuck off, too tired, sick, etc. but still. The spirit is definitely willing, but the flesh is weak and with a 12 year old in a small house, there’s not much we can get away with till he’s gone to his da’s. LOL Best of luck! It does get better!

    • Rye

      Reading this made me feel so much better. I hate to say that I’m glad that other people have gone through this, but at least that means that someone has made it all the way the through. Patience is certainly something I need to work on. I hate how bad he feels when I get upset when sex gets passed up for something else.

      Thanks for reading.


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