Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Biased Support

So my Twitter Boyfriend had a ‘conversation’ with this wife. And by conversation, I mean that their talk ended with an ultimatum that he has to choose between kink or their marriage. My heart broke for him when he told me. I know that this is what he feared. His exploration into kink was headed in this direction, but I certainly wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon.

He and I are very close. Despite my post yesterday and my being bummed that I’m not his pet anymore, he’s still very much an important part of my life. The other night he admitted that I know more about him than anyone except his wife (more than his wife in some cases). That meant so much to me. And the idea that that could be ending hurts. But I certainly cannot judge him. He’s in a impossible position that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, much less a dear friend.

He can choose kink, which means he leaves. He can openly search out kink relationships and explore the online community. He wouldn’t have to worry about how she feels about his desires. There wouldn’t be any guilt in his actions. He would be allowed to be himself.

But that doesn’t come without consequences. There is no guarantee that he would find a person who shares his desires and kinks. We still live half a world apart.  And he would be walking away from the longest relationship he has ever had. They have children together (albeit grown). It’s not something that’s easy to dismiss.

If he decides that the risk isn’t worth the reward, he chooses the relationship. He stays with his wife and they continue together. However, there is no kink. No online presence, no in-person meetings, no discussion of desires or fantasies. And (obviously most important to me), we can’t talk anymore. I believe that to mean everything. No Skyping, no Twitter, no email. He couldn’t read my blog or have any relationship with me as I represent something he should be avoiding.

He would be giving up kink, the idea of kink, everything. Voicing his desires and talking to her about trying things, let alone talking to anyone else, would be out of the question. I couldn’t offer support or help in any way as he deals with it either.  A portion of who he is would be shut down.

I’ll admit I’m having a hard time being unbiased. I can’t imagine being put in that position. Being told to choose between a person you care about or your own happiness. And that is grossly oversimplified. I just can’t imagine being told that I had to give up kink. At this point I see it as my sexual orientation, to walk away from that would be living a lie.

I’m trying to help with perspective. I would never tell him what to do. Even rooting for kink has me encouraging a man to end his marriage. That idea turns my stomach. But I also want him to be happy. So I’ve taken a step back for a bit to allow him to think things through. I will be nonjudgmental support, no matter what.

One Response to “Biased Support”

  • Penny

    That’s a very sad situation indeed. I can’t imagine telling someone I love to shut off such a big part of themselves like that.

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