Yesterday was rough. I have meeting with my doctor every once and awhile to talk about my meds and how I’ve been feeling. Our meeting went well, we just started talking about all the things coming up in the next month or so. About how the renovation was more expensive than we planned and how the kids being sick has kept me from working on the business when I get home. How Sir is stressed with his own job and other family crap that refuses to give him closure. It was nice to talk to her, and she even said she was impressed that it seemed I was handling things well.
And I was…until I got in the car. The whole way home the panic attack was crawling under my skin. When I got home Sir noticed that something was wrong, but he had to get ready for work. He asked if I was okay and the damn broke. I felt terrible doing that to him and then him having to leave for work; he didn’t need that. Everything just felt like a wave trying to carry me off with it. I’m a good swimmer (literally and figuratively), but this riptide is wicked. Someday I’ll write about the time I actually nearly drowned in a riptide (sorry, it seemed on topic).
The positive bits and pieces and each day aren’t overshadowing or even balancing out the negative lately. Those brief moments of bliss when I wake up in the morning, or when Sir gives me release don’t add up to staring at a pile of bills and a house that needs cleaned and in many cases still unpacked. I know this will pass.
The new job is going well. There is a lot to learn, but everyone is nice and positive about my progress. The long weekend will be good too. Definitely going to save my calories so I can have a drink or two.
Everyone in my life is just under a lot of stress. The twitter boyfriend has a mountain I can’t even begin to explain. I hate bugging him with anything less than fantastic news to brighten his day. Sir’s work stress continues. My parents are condo shopping, which is turning out to not be as fun as my mother expected. It’s just hard to find refuge in people when everyone else is looking for it too.
Yesterday was just the price of doing business I guess.