Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

A Day Without Meds

I walked out the door yesterday morning without taking my depression medication. I have done it before.

The morning was good. I really like my job. I feel that my talents and hard work are respected. I have several ongoing projects and my own work space. It’s busy, but very rewarding. My work hours usually pass very quickly. Yesterday was a tad more stressful than normal. We had a few emergencies, but the day ended well. Even getting the kids home wasn’t too crazy.

But the evening took a nose dive I wasn’t prepared for. My twitter boyfriend is going through a tough time. But he started talking about how he dealing with fights with his wife and I forgot that. He was talking about walking away from his kink desires and leaving BDSM go. I got mad. He and I had discussed expanding our relationship and how we felt about each other. He was basically walking away from it. And he didn’t seem bothered by it at all. I don’t want him to fight with his wife, I really don’t. In that moment I just hurt. I wasn’t thinking about logic, I was just being selfish. But I want him to be happy. And I want the chance to see what happiness we could create together.

I shared how much he meant to me recently. How much I cared about him. And I knew he probably didn’t feel the same way. But what I got was “thanks”. I wasn’t ready for ‘thanks’. And ever since then I see him pulling further and further away. And I know he’s dealing with a lot right now. That just makes me feel even worse about everything. He can’t give me what I want from him. And rather than respect it, I just get upset. He’s not doing anything wrong, he’s just trying to be honest. But last night, honesty hurt too much.

My mood just crumbled. All I wanted to do was eat junk food and go to sleep. I didn’t even want sex. And please understand how big that is for me to say. When an orgasm doesn’t even sound good, I’m in a bad place.

So the moral of the story is, I really need to remember to take my meds. Because orgasms are always a good idea.


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