The Three Golden Rules of Kneeling:
- It should be uncomfortable, but not so painful that it cannot be sustained over a long period of time (outside of “special” situations, that is).
- A submissive should not wait to kneel only when told to do so. It is a great attention-getter and should be used as such to encourage play.
- Kneeling means patience, so don’t get down on your knees unless you are ready to stay there until told to do something else.
Kneeling is the only unambiguously submissive act. It might not strike you as important that any action is “unambiguously submissive.” It doesn’t matter for anyone who self-identifies as a “real dom” or a “true dom.” No, these superior beings are perfect examples of “alpha” thinking and they never question themselves. For the rest of us, trying to make it as dominant lovers in a complex world within which we often do not have as much control as we would like, ambiguity is a daily reality.
My partner is an entire human person, with moods and emotions and desires and opinions. Whenever I approach her, I am approaching a different person. The same is true when she approaches me. The same is true when I approach anyone(!). I do not assume that anyone I know is “the same” person they were the last time I spoke with them. Anyway, you get the idea – people change day to day. It’s their right in response to a constantly changing universe.
So, when I consider play with my partner, my thoughts go round in circles. Does she want, at this moment, for me to close her computer and drag her by her hair into the laundry room to get hammered in the cunt with clothespins on her nipples? I know that sometimes she wants this, and she says she always wants it, but I can also see that she is frustrated with something or other. Is she really going to enjoy being manhandled at this moment? Or am I going to be guilty of bad timing? The truth of the matter is that I don’t know how to be supportive by way of being dominant – it just isn’t in my DNA. “Being supportive means being uplifting,” my brain shouts. I am actively trying to reprogram my mind and my emotions, but it’s an ongoing process. The majority of that process is fighting against the perception of ambiguity – and deciding whether or not I care (regardless of whether I’m supposed to care).
As hard as it is for me to exert control, it is just as hard – if not harder – for rye to ask for control or dominance from me. Part of this is our history, and the fact that I have, on more than one occasion, had serious problems with control. Part of it is the fact that she is the kind of person who would rather catch fire than ask for something they want (Germans…).
So, you can imagine how much it means to me to find rye kneeling. “I need you to take over,” she says in no words. It’s easy for her to say because she doesn’t have to say anything. It’s easy for me to understand because I don’t have to understand anything. She kneels, I control, she obeys.