I curled into him. He stroked my back and called me a ‘good girl’. My sobs slowed and my nostrils began to clear. I was exhausted. My stomach muscles hurt. My eyes stung. I just wanted to sleep for a week and forget all my poor choices. Forget the pain that I cause myself, because what good did it do me in that moment to blame others.
I reached up to turn the light off and rolled over. I rested my face against this chest. His chest hair was soft and smelled like him. He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in. My lip began quivering again. I couldn’t cry anymore. I couldn’t possibly have any more tears left. I sighed as they began flowing again. I tried to roll away and he pulled me in closer.
I must have fallen asleep eventually. I wasn’t strong enough to fight his grip. I woke in the night with dried tears and snot on my face. I sighed at how much my physical appearance probably matched my emotional state. I pulled the blanket up tight under my chin. Trying to let the warmth and softness lull me back to sleep. It didn’t work.