Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

That’s a bad idea

Have you ever wanted something so badly, but you knew it was a terrible idea? This happens to me more often than I’d like. And I’m usually good at being an adult (okay, I’m mediocre at best). I can resist the temptation for quite a while, using logic and reason to deter my bad judgment.

We have a dog. She’s a lovely a boxer that we rescued. She’s amazing with the kids and the perfect amount of cuddly. I would love to get another dog that she can train. A friend to spend time with while Sir and I are at work. Ever since our other dog passed away tragically in 2012, I’ve struggled with the idea of getting another dog. But now that we are settled in our own home, I think it would be good.

Getting another dog is a great bad idea. The reality is that Sir and I both work full time. So adding a new dog (possibly even a puppy) to the house when we wouldn’t be here to train them is a terrible plan. That and since our other dog died, our boxer has gotten very comfortable being an ‘only dog’. She does okay when my parents or mother-in-law visit with their dogs, but she’s pretty territorial of us. Forcing her to take on a puppy when she already deals with the kids doesn’t seem very fair.

This is how my bad ideas go. Even with all the logical reasons why I shouldn’t, I still really want a puppy. I’m sure it’s an emotional crutch, but as soon as I felt I was ready for another dog I wanted one right away. Even though it wasn’t a good time for us. So now that we are in a better place, it’s eating at me again. The same thing happened when my biological clock started ticking and I wanted to have a baby. It wasn’t a good time, but I didn’t care. Sir and I came up with a plan and what we need before we could start trying; I was an emotional mess for almost six months. Then each month I wasn’t pregnant was shit show.

I think it’s the way that some ideas in my brain demand immediate gratification. I have a tattoo on my back from college that I got because I woke one morning and wanted it. I don’t really regret it, but I probably should have thought about it longer. All my tattoos mean something to me; that one represents not only my college roommate, but also my lack of patience.

So these good bad ideas come up from time to time. And it’s not that they are inherently bad ideas. It’s just that at the time it is not going to work out how I want. This thing with the twitter boyfriend is like that. There are so many outside factors that I have no control over. And rather than take a step back and let things work themselves out, I get impatient. Being upset doesn’t help anyone and it just makes me feel like crap. I don’t want to be this selfish person.

I just need to let some bad ideas go until they can be good ideas. Hopefully this fall when Sir starts working from home a puppy will be more realistic as he will be here to care for it. And maybe if I let some other things fall into place first, my emotional situation with my friend may improve. But even if it doesn’t, I won’t have caused irreparable damage.

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